Family

Everybody defines family differently. For me it is a question of where to stop. Where does family stop and everyone else begin? When the connection exists and I really feel it, that is family.

I am part of a huge family. No matter how you define it, mine is big. I have a husband and three children; the five of us comprise my immediate family. Or one of them. Though I lost my dad last year, I have my mom and my parents in law. I also have four sisters, two brothers, a brother in law and a sister in law, each of whom have a spouse. In addition, those unions have of course produced children. I have 21 nieces and nephews. These people too are my immediate family. That is another 40 people. We won’t even go into cousins, aunts and uncles.
As unusual as it may be in this day and age, I get together with many members of my immediate family on a regular basis. We are strange. We like each other. Many of us live within about a 50-mile radius and it is fairly easy to get together. Those farther away are never out of the discussion or away from our thoughts.

It is easy to extend the concept of family to the next level as well. The spouses of my siblings and my husband’s siblings all have families and I am comfortable counting those people as part of my extended family. Those people I do not see as often. For extended family, getting together takes something big, like weddings or funerals.

Sadly, we had that opportunity this week. One member of my extended family, my sister’s mother in law, passed away this week. She was a lovely woman and she will be greatly missed by everyone. The services were lovely; they were sweet, thoughtful and moving.

I knew I would see my mom and my siblings at the two services. Though it may be inappropriate, I clipped wallet size shots of Maggie’s school picture to give to my sisters. Apparently, one sister dropped her picture. I shouldn’t have given her one at such a time. She was focusing on her own “immediate” family, who had just lost a beloved member.

Imagine my surprise at the funeral yesterday when her father in law, who had just lost his wife, came up to me to tell me he found Maggie’s picture on the floor of the Funeral Home. He took it home and placed it on his refrigerator. His refrigerator. With all of his grandchildren.

There were probably a hundred people at the house following the funeral. It was a warm gathering honoring a person who spelled family with a capital "F." Everyone was admiring the pictures all over the house and I felt somewhat stupid, but extremely proud, that Maggie was up there with his grandchildren, some of whom are her cousins.

I felt like we were really part of that family at a most important time. It was like a warm blanket. Here was another family, an extension of mine, but a strong circle of its own. It is like a Venn diagram, with overlapping circles. We were in that overlap area yesterday.
Maybe for some this is not family. It’s too distant to fit that definition. Not for me.

It is an honor to feel part of such a family.