Stronger and stronger

I know I just posted this, but I think it bears a repeat. When you read this you will likely agree

I spent today mostly staring at my son Tim. He doesn't live here anymore, but he stayed here last night. I checked on him various times through the morning. He slept - or tried to. (Someone kept checking on him.) Lest you think I've gone 'round the bend,  I did have a good reason. I was thankful that he was alive and here and I needed to confirm that over and over again.

Tim was involved in a very serious car accident on Memorial Day. He was a passenger in a car that flipped over one and a half times on the freeway after an over correction by the driver. Thankfully both Tim and the driver were relatively unhurt. Tim has a mild concussion and cuts and bruises and he is very sore. I'm not positive about his buddy, but I know he too had only minor injuries. I presume the car is totaled. Tim said it was on its side with all the windows shattered and the roof collapsed down about two feet.  It is a miracle that both young men are alive and unbelievable that neither was seriously injured. My sister said Maggie was his guardian angel. I like that thought.

Needless to say I was a bit of a mess. In fact I still am.

And so I stared at him all day.

I'm not sure why he decided to return to his own place.

Who are all these people in our shopping areas?

Maggie had her dream weekend. We shopped both Saturday AND Sunday. Life doesn't get any better than that for her. Both days we were out early to make parking a little easier. No parking problem either day. However, there is a bit of a problem with the amount of people out and about so early. Generally when Maggie and I hit the stores early, there are very few others to get in our way. Not so in mid December.

With Christmas fast approaching, I needed to get a few things I had a specific idea in mind for somebody and we headed down to Cost Pus at Fisherman's wharf. That is a huge store full of colors and bright things that are entertaining to look at and to buy. They are also entertaining to try on. Maggie modeled several hats for the passers by.

Of course they didn't have what I was looking for, but we found something else. We put our stuff in the car and wandered around the wharf area. We stopped at Boudin to watch them make french bread and found out old friend Anna there. We say hello to her whenever we are around there. The bakery is a real working bakery, but there is a large exhibition window in the  front for tourists and others to watch. Anna interacts with the people outside the window via a microphone/speaker set up. As soon as she saw us the speakers blared, "Maggie, Hello! How are you doing?" Maggie thought that was hilarious and all the tourists were trying to figure out who Maggie was. Fame! So many things to worry about. 

After that we walked around the wharf for a while and admired the boats decorated for Christmas.

Sunday we returned to Stonestown for the first time since the great elevator outage of 2013. It was fine. Crowded and overwhelming, but fine. We did get a chance to try on some pink glasses, so the day wasn't a waste.

Like many malls, Stonestown has those kiosks in the middle and the sales people really hawk their wares. It is incredibly annoying. Generally you can avoid them but it was difficult maneuvering the wheelchair with the crowds.  It was freaking Maggie out a little to have these sales people in our face. One guy who insisted on trying to wrap some pillow around me and them Maggie was particularly annoying. I said "No Thank you" and he tried again. I stopped, looked him in the face and said, Look Buddy, I said no thank you - now BACK OFF. Very very Christmas-y. But it definitely cheered Maggie up for a minute but then  she ran out of energy pretty quickly after that happened.

We came home and caught the last quarter of the 49er game with Tim. As he often does, he grabbed Maggie out of her chair so they could sit together and watch the game. Hanging with him makes her very happy. 

All in all an excellent weekend. Now it's the last week of school and then vacation.

 We could shop every day. 

Oh save me. 

Home again

Tim is home.

All is right in Maggie's world.

Toddlin Town

Our brief getaway to Chicago was great. The weather was cold and the wind was blowing, but we really had fun. I just wore everything I owned and kept moving.

 Of course the focus of the trip was to visit Tim, our 22 year old son who moved to Chicago in January. He lives right in the heart of Wrigleyville - just two blocks from Wrigley Field and the 10,000 bars and restaurants that surround it. We stayed in a hotel about a mile away which was a perfect location. We were close enough to walk to see Tim but away from the noise of the nightlife.

We planned to go that particular weekend because the San Francisco Giants were playing the Cubs in Chicago. Steve jumped on line to get the tickets and we were surprised how easy it was and how reasonable the price was. Then we got to the game and understood. It was freezing, it rained and the wind was howling. There just wasn't a lot of demand for these seats in mid April. At least half the stadium was empty. I bet those same seats in the summer time are a tad more expensive. There was a four game series. The Giants won 3 out of the 4 games. We went to the only won the Giants lost. That didn't stop us from having fun.

We met our Friends Austin and Dee at the game and had a quick meal with them afterward. They went home but we kept going. Tim took us to an Improv show so we could experience his comedy world. If you find yourself in Chicago on a Friday night, check out the "Improvised Shakespeare at the IO (Improv Olympics) in Wrigleyville. That was hilarious.

 We did make it to the Magnificent Mile on Saturday morning and walked around while the snow fell on out heads. The tulips are really trying to bloom but the snow and cold keep them at bay.  I understand it's flooding there today, but assuming things survive that, you can tell the City of Chicago is about to burst into spring.

We also traveled a bit North of Chicago to Austin and Dee's house to see how people lived outside of the fraternity atmosphere of Wrigleyville. It was great to catch up with them too. Steve and Austin have been friends since college days, so there were lots of laughs.

Meanwhile, back in San Francisco, Maggie was entertained by my sister Joni and her husband Vince. The nurses were here to do all the medical things Maggie needed, and Joni and Vince were here as grounding forces for Maggie. She thought that was hilarious. In fact, that really deserves its own post.

It was fun. Exhausting but fun. I told Steve the next "vacation" we take will involve a hammock, a beach, and drinks with little umbrellas.














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Catching up and checking out.

Halloooo out there.

Sorry for the delay. All is well, it's just been CRAAAAZY busy around here.

Over the weekend Maggie's private designer, Anne Marie came with the final fitting for the prom dress. It is AMAZING, and it looks incredible on Maggie, but I'm going to make you wait until next week because it is a school project and Anne Marie wants to turn it in and let people see it in person before they see it on the internet. That's fair. Suffice it to say the Miss Maggie is over the moon excited about it. (and I may have accidentally posted a pic on a certain social media site as well...)

In other news, I started a job on Monday. Well, to be precise, I increased and existing job and have a new title. I work as a Parent Liaison at UCSF Benioff Children's hospital three days a week. I've been working in the Family Resource Room on Fridays for the past several months but the powers that be decided to increase my time and sort of formalize what I have already been doing. I have really spent an inordinate amount of time in the hospital and have a pretty good idea how things work. Now I can share that experience and knowledge with other parent and know that it was not for naught and it will be put to good use.

But the biggest news is this. I am leaving this morning for Chicago. Steve and I are going to visit Tim and watch the Giants play the Cubs at Wrigley Field on Friday. At least we hope we will. This is the forecast for the weekend in Chicago.  Steve left this morning so it includes Wednesday. FYI I talked to Steve and so far this is spot on.

Wednesday

HIGH/LOW

42°/37°

Several rainy spells, possibly heavy and with the potential for thunder and even some hail, sweep the area in several clusters Wednesday.

The periods of rain are likely to be separated by precipitation-free cloudy spells. Wider coverage, more frequent downpours develop Wednesday with thunder and possible hail Wednesday night. Blustery, chilly, damp and raw through Wednesday night. Unseasonably chilly daytime highs 15-degrees below normal. Northeast winds 12 to 24 mph Wednesday increasing 13 to 28 mph with some 30+ mph gusts Wednesday night. Widespread rainfall of 1 to 3" is possible by daybreak Thursday morning.

 

Thursday

HIGH/LOW

48°/33°

Another cool damp day for most sections

Breezy east winds hold area temperatures in the middle to upper 40s (50s to lower 60s far south) during the day. Occasional showers and thunderstorms with some heavy downpours.

 

Friday

HIGH/LOW

38°/30°

Mostly cloudy, blustery and cold with some rain or wet snow.

Quite chilly as temps remain in the 30s most of the day. Partly cloudy and cold at night. North to northeast winds 15 to 30 mph.

 

Saturday

HIGH/LOW

43°/35°

Partly sunny start to the day, then clouds build with a chance of brief showers.

Continued very cool with highs holding in the lower and middle 40s. An increase in high and mid-level clouds at night. Northwest winds diminish and become light variable overnight.

 

Sunday

HIGH/LOW

55°/43°

Thickening and lowering clouds with an increasing likelihood of showers and thunderstorms in the afternoon..

Not as cold as afternoon highs surge to the middle 50s. More showers and thunderstorms possible at night. Southerly winds 10-18 mph.

 

 I might accidentally get on a plane headed to Hawaii. No, what's a little weather for a California girl who owns a ton of sweaters? I am looking forward to seeing my son who left for Chicago at the beginning of the year and also catching up with friends who live there. I'm sure we can find plenty of ways to entertain ourselves if the Giants are rained - or rather snowed - out. There seems to be plenty to do.

Maggie is staying here with her nurses and my wonderful sister Joni and her husband are staying in the house while we are gone. Joni can't do any of the things Maggie needs medically and she wondered what her role would be. She asked "am I just supposed to LOVE Maggie?"

I said exactly.

See you all next week and pictures of the amazing prom dress will be unveiled.

Tim's Excellent Adventure

It's Monday and Maggie went back to school. Generally I would be doing my dance of joy right now, but I don't feel very joyful. I'm a bit sad, actually, because Tim left this morning. In addition to putting Maggie on the school bus, I put Tim on an airplane to Chicago.

   

This is a new adventure for Tim. He is moving to Chicago for an indefinite amount of time. Could be three months, could be a year, could be forever. He's been stagnating here and he was smart enough to recognize that so he decided to take a leap and follow a dream. He will take classes at Second City and see if he can break into the very competitive world of stand-up comedy.

Kinda cool. Kinda crazy. But he's 22 and that's exactly when you should give things like this a shot. At 22 everything is possible and there is nothing holding you back. So you sell your truck, pack your bags and go. No matter what else you may think, this is an incredibly brave thing to do.

To be honest, there's a big part of me that's jealous.

And then there's the mom part of me that's worried.

Tim has never been in weather like they have in Chicago. That made Christmas shopping very easy. I just bought him the proper clothes and accessories for a California boy to handle an Illinois winter. Or what a California mom thinks are proper clothes to handle an Illinois winter.  We shall see.

Tim seems to have found a place to live, though he has to meet with his new roommates and landlord tomorrow to finalize things. He has a friend he can stay with for a week or so until that is settled. In a stroke of kismet (and the absolute wonder of facebook), Tim and potential his new roommate have a mutual friend, which they discovered only after connecting on facebook. The mutual friend is in London but vouched for each guy to the other. Nice little insurance for everyone.

Of course he will have to find a job immediately if he wants this adventure to last more than a few months. Tim is personable, reliable, capable and experienced in a variety of things, so he will find something. I will calm down a bit more when I know that has happened.

So the adventure begins. He said goodbye to Maggie this morning and she gave him a big hug. You can see her hand reaching up over his neck in the first picture. Once we got out in front she grabbed for his hand, which was so sweet.

He told Maggie over and over that he was going to Chicago, but she really doesn't know what that means. She will likely call for him on her talker for a while. "Tim, come home see Maggie" or "Tim, come downstairs." It will take her a few days to realize he is really gone and she's stuck with just her parents again. (Oh the humanity!) But we can skype with him and that will entertain her to no end.

Godspeed, Timmy. You are taking your shot and I admire that greatly. If anyone can make this work it is you.

One other thing: if you hit it big, please remember your mother.

And not just as a punchline.

Tree by Maggie

The tree is up and decorated. There was great debate between the Douglas Fir and the Noble Fir. I really like the fullness of the Douglas and Steve really like to be able to see the ornaments on the Noble. I let him choose and he went Douglas for me. Really, though, no matter what kind of tree we choose, I am always pleased once it's decorated.

It's generally a rather drawn out process taking perhaps three days to complete. The process includes   getting the tree, letting it sit in its stand drinking water for a day,  bringing it upstairs, cleaning up the trail of needles, putting on the lights, waiting for us to be together to put on the ornaments. We were going to decorate it Sunday night, but Tim didn't get home from work until almost 10PM.  So it waited another day. It was done last night and now I have to put the empty decoration boxes back downstairs. Hopefully that won't take me another day.

Putting on the ornaments and the other decorations is fun. Each ornament brings some memory or story or remembrance. We have an abundance of fishing ornaments that have been given to Steve over the years, several from the kids early years, a Santa wearing a Giants shirts and this year we received a nutcracker wearing a Giants uniform, which goes perfectly with our extensive nutcracker collection.

 Tim was intrigued by an ornament that said "to Sally from Joey" and wondered who "Joey" was. He thought he had stumbled on a great story, and  seemed disappointed when I said SHE was my secretary in about 1992.

Maggie helps too. Tim makes her hold the ornament or decoration and then point to where she wants it. It's a S L O W process but he is very patient with her. He makes he laugh which only slows things down further but certainly makes it more entertaining. After every successful placement he would say "tree by Maggie" and she loved it.

Here's a minute or so of their interaction. This had already been going on for several minutes before I turned on the camera. She wasn't being very cooperative making him do all the work, but he would have none of it.

May all your decorating be as fun!

Chillaxin

Maggie is enjoying the more laid back pace of summer school. In fact last night as she was hanging with Tim on the couch, she thought she should help herself to his beer. We had to convince her not to start drinking on school nights.

She agreed

Christmas in April

                                                                          Palm trees in front of AT&T park


On Friday evening, we used our Christmas present from Eddie. He gave the rest of the family tickets to the Giants-Padres game. It was a great gift and he took care to make sure the tickets were in a wheelchair accessible place and  included a parking pass so that Maggie could be part of the fun.  Quite generous and very thoughtful.

There was a slight hitch in the planning when I realized a couple of weeks ago that I  lost the tickets he sent, but with all these new fangled computers and bar scanning, the tickets were easily replaced. Of course I had to come clean with Eddie that I lost his generous gift before I could get the information I needed to get them replaced. That was embarrassing, and I was on the receiving end of a lecture I have delivered many times about being careless with my things. Turning my words back on me was a little bonus for Eddie.  When the new tickets arrived I carefully placed them in a very safe place - this time one I could remember.

Friday was a PERFECT day in San Francisco which was great because the nights can be very cold at the Giants games and I was concerned about Maggie. She was fine, though, and we were off.  Maggie was excited to be in all her Giants gear and hanging with Tim as we prepared to go.

This is how gorgeous things were when we arrived, beautiful views and big smiles.

Maggie did get a bit cold in the 5th and we added the stocking cap to complete her look

Our seats were on the club level which has an indoor area where the food vendors are. She and I went inside for a bit and she had a meltdown. I think it was just sensory overload, the crowds, the cold night air (which was very mild by SF standards), the constant noise punctuated by the cheering, etc. We also had an obnoxious drunk in front of us who ended arguing with the usher for an inning or so before getting ejected from the stadium. That was distracting for us and I'm sure Maggie picked up on that. (We had good laughs at his expense later, though.)  After she recovered from her meltdown, we went back to where our seats were but stayed inside so she could get used to the idea of going back out.

When she saw Steve and Tim sitting there she wanted to join them. (you can see the space for her wheelchair there)

Maggie made it until the 8th inning, which is far longer than I expected. She and I slowly made our way to the car and Steve and Tim watched the end of the game. By the time I got her out of the stadium, fed and loaded into the van we probably only waited 10 minutes.

The Giants lost the game, but it didn't matter, we had a great time. While driving home we decided we have to do an annual family trek to the park. We all go to several games a year, but we don't all go together and we almost never bring Maggie. It's a lot for her, but she had a great time.

Now I just have to get Eddie to pony up a gift like that every year. Better yet, we have to do it when he and Grace can join us.

.

Home again home again, jiggity jig

Maggie is home and fine. We came home Saturday around noon. There was no reason to stay. There was really nothing from which to recover. After all that it was a bit of a non event. The highlight of the stay was a visit from Tim on Friday evening. He climbed right in bed with Maggie carefully moving tubes and wires.

For the past 18 months we have lived under a cloud. Maggie had a life threatening condition. Maybe it had been there a long time, maybe it was newly formed. It was a time bomb and was going to effect her life. It certainly explained her continuous difficulties and symptoms that would not go away.  We waited and waited for something to happen, but gathering all the needed specialists took months. Finally we had a game plan, but then the surgeon declined to get involved. Back to square one, a little more bruised and frightened and more than a little angry.

We found other surgeons who proposed a minimally invasive procedure that might help. We jumped at it. We knew it might not work, but we had to give her every chance. I worried that we were going to cause more harm than good. I worried that it would not work. I worried that we would get even worse news. I worried that we were playing with fire. I fretted and wondered but decided to proceed.

Everything was arranged around this surgery. We arranged it to happen after our German visitors left because that was just too much of a cultural exchange. Once we had a date, everything was focused on the weekend. Though he has gone every year since I've known him, Steve declined tickets to the Big Game (Cal/Stanford for those of you not in the Bay Area). I declined a couple of invitations to things so we could focus on Maggie. Of course we canceled the school bus for this week so Maggie could recover from this delicate procedure.

The procedure was Friday. They went in and were done in 40 minutes. The condition did not exist. There was nothing to fix. I guess that's good news, but her symptoms will not improve because this problem is not the cause.  The doctors who declined to help her any more made that decision on erroneous information. All that anguish and anger were for nothing. I am more than a little irritated.

It's Thanksgiving week and I am trying very hard to focus on the grateful part of this story. I am very grateful that Maggie does not have this condition. I am very grateful for the surgeons at Stanford who were willing to go in and try to fix it and let us know it wasn't even there. I guess I'm grateful to know who I can depend on when the going gets tough and who will walk away.

I'm also grateful that it rained so hard last night and Steve didn't mind watching the Big Game from the living room while he folded laundry. I'm grateful for the uninterrupted sleep I got Saturday afternoon and evening even though I missed  the two events.. And even though it's too late to arrange for the bus this week, I am grateful that Maggie can go to school on Monday and Tuesday.

Mostly I'm grateful that it is over and Maggie is fine and that black cloud that has been hanging over her head for 18 months is finally moving on. Or was never there.

I'm grateful the worst thing to come out of this surgery is frustration.

Giant Getaway

Maggie was a little better on Friday and Steve assured me he could handle things here, so I decided it was ok to take my 24 hour trip to Los Angeles.  I was leaving early Saturday morning. I wasn’t 100% confident about leaving Maggie.  My stomach hurt terribly from what I know was a case of the nerves.  I can be my own worst enemy.  I tried to ignore it, but it definitely made sleep difficult on Friday night. 

We went. Tim and I flew to Orange County to meet up with Eddie and his girlfriend, Grace. The four of us headed to the Giants Dodgers game at Dodger stadium. I never get to spend any time with the boys so this was very unusual.  We had a great time. Check them out in the 2d inning.

We were aware of the violent incidences at Dodger Stadium on opening night. It seems some Dodger fans do not appreciate fans of other teams – or at least Giants fans – coming to their park. One individual in Giants gear was badly beaten on Thursday night simply because he was a Giants fan. (there is a blog and facebook page to offer him well wishes or donate to help with his mounting medical bills at support4stow.blogspot.com) This wanton violence leaves a man fighting for his life and it seems a little unclear on the concept of competition to me. There are thugs everywhere, I suppose, but all he did was go to a baseball game.  We were going to a day game and certainly did not expect to witness it first hand. But we did. Nothing in comparison to the attack on this man, but violence nonetheless.

The four of us were waiting in line to enter the stadium when Tim was violently shoved by a dodger fan who said “Hey, you’re in Dodger Stadium now.”  The guy simply barreled through the line targeting Tim apparently because of his Giants shirt. He lowered his shoulder into Tim’s chest and shoved, pushing Grace out of the way in the process. Tim has both class and common sense; he refused to respond and, thanks to that, nothing happened.  In another show of class, the guy behind Tim in line just shook his head and apologized to Tim on behalf of Los Angeles. Tim’s sore chest hurt a little less with every run the Giants scored in their 10-0 rout of the Dodgers. (The only game the Giants won in a four game series).

We made it back to the car without incident. Of course there weren’t any Dodger fans to be found by then. They had all left the game several innings earlier because their team was losing.  Look at all the empty seats around us in the 7th inning. We headed back down I-5 to Orange County, went out to dinner, and went in the hot tub.

I checked in at home. Maggie was better still and saying over and over on her dynavox “Mom, come see Maggie.” 

 The stress was replaced with guilt, but  THAT I can handle. 

Of all the gin joints in all the world...

   

Long long ago, in the time before Maggie, I had two active little boys and worked full time as an attorney. Life was just as crazy then as it is now, but for completely different reasons. Any working parent with two little kids knows what I mean. Your are running in five directions all the time.  You want to find way to spend as much time as you can with the kids because you are gone so much. That means your social life consists of play dates and kids entertainment. It was great, but we really looked for things that would entertain us and the boys at the same time. Sesame Street got old fast.

The first thing we found that we enjoyed together was a short lived television show called The Adventures of Brisco County Jr. It aired on Fox in 1993 and 1994; as a matter of fact, it ended just as Maggie was born.
Eddie was five and Tim was three when it was on the air. Brisco County Jr. was a bounty hunter in the old west, but there was a sci fi element to it, too. The show was hilarious. It was action packed and full of unexplained anachonisms. For example, I recall a sheriff in one of the towns was an Elvis impersonator. I still laugh when I think about that.  The boys loved the action and we loved the humor. Or was it the other way around? No matter.  It was something we all enjoyed together.  It was short lived, though. If my family likes a television show, you can almost put money on the fact that it will be cancelled. I guess we are just not mainstream enough.

Brisco County Jr had a huge impact on our family. If the name is familiar to you and you never heard of the show, you are not going crazy. That's our dog's full name, we call him Brisco for short. (We only use the full name when he's in trouble.)   He is named after the title character of that show, even though Brisco (the dog) didn't enter our family until 1998, four years after the show ended.. Most people mistakenly call him Frisco and I have to correct them. Once in a great while someone will ask, like Brisco County Jr.? And I reply, "precisely, " knowing that if they get that reference they very cool indeed.

  Tim, now approaching 21 years old, said he doesn't actually remember watching the show, but he knows he wore cowboy boots for five years because of Brisco County Jr. When his boots got too small he took over Eddie's.He ALWAYS wore them. ALWAYS. In fact here he is in shortly before his 4th birthday in the Spring of 1994 visiting Maggie in the Newborn Intensive care unit. We always had to scrub in and wear a hospital gown when we entered the unit.  Tim was rocking that look wearing the hospital gown and his cowboy boots.

.
Brisco County Jr. was played by Bruce Campbell, (pictured above) who is currently starring in Burn Notice. He is one of those actors you see all the time. He's always working. He tends to be one everyone recognizes but can't say from where.  That is not true in this house because -- uhhhh well, he was Brisco County Jr. Hello! Are you paying attention. Also, as noted above, we might not be the average American family.

 Tim was sitting in his speech class the other day. He had already made his tribute speech and was  listening to a classmate make hers.  Tim immediately perked up when she referred to Burn Notice because she was talking about the guy who played Brisco County Jr. (Sorry, Mr. Campbell, but it's all about  Brisco) Tim listened with interest not believing someone else was sharing one of our family heroes. What were the chances that someone else shared our fascination with this guy.

Pretty good as it turns out.

Tim was sitting up straight in his chair, looking forward to telling her how much he loved this guy. He didn't get the chance.

As she wrapped up her speech she said,  "that's why I am paying tribute to MY DAD, Bruce Campbell."

Tim's jaw dropped (as did mine when he told me the story). He was so floored she got away before he could say anything. But he will see her in class on Monday. I wonder how often she has to deal with guys who have idolized her dad since before they can remember, who named their dog after his character and dressed like him as a kid.

It probably happens all the time.

Fathers and Sons

Happy Fathers Day to all the dad's out there. Being a dad is tough work, and you should pat yourselves on the back for your efforts.

I was raised by a great dad and I married a man who is a great dad. My husband is fishing with his great dad right now but will come home to a nice dinner prepared by Maggie and I. The boys aren't here, but they have both checked in already and will call back tonight. This should be time for a contented sigh, but....no.

When Tim called this morning he said he had two reasons for calling. One - to wish dad a Happy Father's day and two - with some bad news. I braced myself. Seems he got pushed at a concert last night and cut his face above his eye. He said it's "pretty bad" and he needs stitches. He then said, he was going to go to the doctor tomorrow.

Uh..... NO. I told him to go right now to the emergency room. Stitches prevent cuts from getting infected and IT'S YOUR FACE.

If you're keeping track, this is my second stitches story in a row. Thank God I only have two boys. When Maggie is my medically boring child, you know it's an active weekend.

I also told him not to tell Dad until it's actually stitched up. That will be a nicer Father's Day present for him. It's easier to hear a problem is solved than to picture your son 200 miles away with an unattended injury. Turns out he waited too long to be seen and they could not stitch it. It's just steri-stripped acrocc his eyebrow and he will have a lovely scar about an inch long. Of course he has the dark heavy eyebrows of his Irish ancestry so it will likely be hard to detect in a relatively short amount of time.

I just told my mother this story and she told me she read that boys brains become fully developed at 20. (Tim turned 20 on Thursday). I said that may be, but apparently some of it is leaking through the hole in his face.

Ahhhh, nothing like a quiet Sunday.

Twenty Years

Today is my son Tim’s 20th birthday. It is hard to believe he is 20, standing on the threshold of his life. It is an age where everything is possible.

Twenty years ago, June 17th was on Father’s Day. I was 41 weeks pregnant and I had a two year old. I bought two father’s day presents for my husband, one from Eddie, the two year old, and one from the new baby that I expected to be about 10 days old at that point. On the morning of Fathers Day I gave both presents to my husband and said if this baby doesn’t come today, you have to give one back. Tim did not let either of us down, but arrived in time for the 10:00 news that night. He was a hilarious kid right from the get go. He used to entertain himself by banging his head against the hardwood floor and then grinning at us when we stopped him.

After Maggie arrived, it seemed there was always a health crisis for her on Tim’s birthday. She had to be rushed to the hospital and into surgery on his 4th birthday, (she was just 3 months old). Tim was oblivious. I told him in an upbeat voice that he and Eddie were invited to his cousin’s house because Auntie Ellen was having a birthday party for him. He was happy as a clam. I was not. I sat in the surgical waiting room feeling miserable. I can still remember that day as if it was yesterday. It was the day OJ Simpson made his “slow speed” getaway in the Ford Bronco. I sat there watching this bizarre story unfolding on television and worried about one child while I felt I was disappointing another.

When Maggie was not sick, we had some excellent birthday parties for Tim over the years. We were never the type to throw lavish parties and one up the other parents. No. With my boys and my husband, the parties were creative and entertaining. One year Tim had a track meet for several friends at Kezar stadium, another year Steve turned the back yard into an obstacle course and a dozen or so boys were put through their paces. (That might have been for Eddie, I can’t remember). The kids always had a huge amount of fun and went home tired and happy.

Many birthdays were spent together with his cousin Matt. That's the two of them in the picture a couple of years ago. They are just two days apart in age. Matt grew up in San Diego, and the June birthdays fell, just after school was out so several times we were in San Diego or they were up here. Ironically, now Matt lives and attends school in San Francisco and Tim is away at school. I invited Matt to dinner on his birthday but he had plans to watch the NBA playoffs with his buddies. We decided to make it tonight so I could fix a birthday dinner for someone even tough Tim is not home. Of course tonight is game 7 and Matt is a Lakers fan (which means he still has something to learn about being a San Franciscan.) I left him a message that we can reschedule if he wants – we shall see.

Now that he is 20 and living elsewhere, I am not as involved in his birthday. Of course, I will call him, and I sent gifts etc, but if there is a party, and I am willing to bet there is, I am not invited. That’s ok. He is a grown up now.

I just don’t know how that can be when I haven’t aged at all.

Is there a doctor in the house?

Raising Maggie with all her medical issues has some distinct advantages. I am an excellent diagnostician. Really. Maggie can blink the wrong way and I know instantly what is wrong and zoom her off to the hospital. 99% of the time I’m right, based on nothing more than instinct. Doctors who initially dismiss my concerns as simply those of a nervous mother inevitably say, “good job mom” when it turns out my instincts are right again. Happily I’m losing that skill a little bit because Maggie is so much healthier than she ever was before.

I can tell you this, though – that sharp instinct was not maternal, per se. It was something that kicked in only for Maggie, not necessarily for the boys. Maggie’s life and death situations honed my responses to such a fine point , that I often overlooked the bumps and scrapes of everyday childhood. None of those compared to rushing off to the hospital for a neurosurgery. I guess I was something of a specialist but couldn’t hack the general practice.


As I my boys can tell you, if they weren’t bleeding or on fire, they got zero attention from me for medical issues.


The best example of this happened in 2007. That was a rough year for us. My dad died in January of that year and then in March, Maggie became very ill and spent over three weeks in the hospital. When she came out she had the trach and her care went from complicated to ridiculous. There were numerous complications and emergency trips back to the hospital after that and things have really never been the same since.


In the last week of August of 2007 Tim had just started his senior year of high school. He complained about a stomach ache and I ignored him. He complained the next day and I said, without even looking up, “it’s probably just the start of school and the change in your schedule.”
In the middle of the night on Thursday of that week he came into my room doubled over saying in a desperate voice “You’ve got to help me.” Allright. I got up and went downstairs with him and gave him a glass of water. Maggie’s nurse was here and said, “Sally, you’ve got to take this boy into the hospital.” I said “ok” but didn’t really share her concern.


Because I spend a lot of time in Emergency rooms, I prepared myself for a long stay. I made a pot of coffee and gathered the crossword puzzle and other parts of the paper I hadn’t read. The nurse was pacing nervously and Tim was clearly uncomfortable. Steve stayed behind to deal with Maggie in the morning and finally we left for the hospital. I still felt like I was placating the nurse and Tim.

Once there, it took about five minutes to diagnose appendicitis.

Yeah. I felt pretty bad. I apologized to Tim over and over. He was on pain meds until his surgery several hours later. Once the pain was gone, he didn’t care.

It has actually become something of a family joke. Tim told Eddie not to worry if there is an emergency and he gets real sick, mom will be right there with a glass of water.


Hey, it's the least I can do.

Thankful- November 4 another beautiful day in San Francisco. I'm thankful Tim is taking the car today so I have an excuse to walke the dog in the park.

Don't react!

Note - this is along post, but there is no way to break up this story.

Karl Malden died yesterday. He had a long life, living to 97 years old. My sister said he knew he could go yesterday because our adventures yesterday took us all over the Streets of San Francisco.

There is no quick way to describe the events of yesterday. We moved my aunt, an endeavor that should have taken about 2.5 hours – but it took over six. We did not count on the boys being towed off the freeway in a malfunctioning truck or on the series of events that followed.

I thought I was so thorough. We were meeting at 10AM. Maggie was in school until 12:30. The nurse would meet the bus and I had a helper for the nurse for Maggie’s first scheduled treatments. I KNEW I could be home by the second treatments at 3:00. Not even close. I was just about to head home across town to assist, knowing I would have to turn around and come back my aunt’s apartment. Fortunately, Steve went by the house and called to see where I was and I told him to cover Maggie. He said fine, but asked, “So when are you coming home.” With Maggie in good hands, I did not have to worry and could only answer honestly, “I have NO idea.”

The boys, my son Tim and my nephew Vinny left the assisted living facility in the loaded down truck just a minute after I left with the loaded van. We were moving across town and the fastest way to do that is the freeway. I looked for them in my rearview as I drove on the freeway but was not too worried when I did not see them. If they missed the lights that I made they would be 5 miles behind me. I arrived and unloaded what I could without help. I made a couple of trips up the elevator to my aunt’s downtown “deluxe apartment in the sky.” My aunt was already there with my mom and my sister Joan, (Vinny’s mom.)
Joan was buying sandwiches for everyone to enjoy after the unloading was complete. When Tim called to tell me the truck had sputtered out and they were stuck on the freeway I ran into the store to find Joan who was at the checkout. As I told her the story I realized everyone in Safeway was listening and all were concerned. These two young guys are stuck in the middle of the freeway interchange on a divider with a truckload of furniture and traffic zipping by at 65mph. It was not a good scene. Tim did not have his AAA card with him. (arrgh) I called AAA, explained the situation and gave my AAA number. Since Tim in on my account, it was no problem. The truck would be there in a few minutes.

Joan, the most suburban of all my sisters, jumped in my mom’s car and went to find the boys. I’m not sure what exactly she was going to do when she found them, but I was relieved when she went. By the time she saw them the AAA driver was there and through various cell phones, we determined where they would be towed. As our (continuing bad) luck would have it, the driver chose a place in a rather rough neighborhood.

Joan called me as she was exiting the freeway near the garage and we had the following conversation:

J: where are you?
Me: back in the apartment with mom and A.M. (our name for our aunt)
J: Ok ... DO NOT REACT to what I am about to tell you!
Me: (heart sinking, trying to appear calm): oooo kkkaaayy
J. I am getting off the freeway and there is a mattress on the exit ramp.
Me: unnnhhhh
J: What are the chances that is NOT A.M.’s mattress?
Me: (small voice) almost none

She stayed on the phone as she pulled off the freeway. There she found herself in some dicey surroundings. Day laborers surrounded her car seeing if she had work and seedy looking characters were hanging out on the street. She was panicking as she looked for the kids. She was close but did not know exactly where they were. Suddenly she said, “I can see the truck but I only see a box spring in the back.”

My heart sunk farther. The truck was broken, the boys had gone from one dangerous situation to another and my aunt’s mattress was very likely lying on the side of the road. I was careful not to say anything, though because both my mom and my aunt were very interested in my conversation. I thought I was being cool, but realized I was leaning against the wall with my head and rubbing my face in a concerned manner. Because neither my mom nor my aunt is stupid, they knew SOMETHING was up.

Joan’s rapid fire commentary continued . “I see the truck, I see the boys. They are fine. I cannot see the mattress, though. I am stuck at the light and I think every single person I see has a gun. They all have guns!” (Note: she could not see any guns but this very gritty city scene was freaking out my suburban sis). “I’m waiting for the light to change, wait I can see YES! The mattress is on the truck!”

The mattress on the freeway was NOT my aunt’s after all. Perhaps the tide was turning.

She put the boys in my mom’s car and sent them to us. Tim dutifully drove to my aunt’s place but had no idea whose car he was in or why, but he was past asking questions. Meanwhile Joan and her husband, who had arrived from the pleasant land of suburbia, dealt with the truck. It needs an alternator – nothing major, but enough to confirm that furniture was not arriving anytime soon and it could not stay on the open bed of that truck in a tough neighborhood. Finally, they rented a u-haul truck, reloaded all the furniture and drove downtown to the apartment. They saved the day.

We finished quickly once they arrived. My aunt was appreciative and very happy to see us all get out of her apartment. Tim and I headed home in the van while my mom went home in her car. Joan and family headed back to return the rental truck and have their truck towed to her father in law’s house. (I learned in a phone call later in the evening that tow truck #2 broke down en route and the third tow truck of the day came on the scene. It went from the ridiculous to the sublime.)

Maggie slept the entire afternoon and didn't miss me a bit. Meanwhile, Vinny missed a dental appointment and had to give away his shift at work, I missed a meeting in the evening. Tim climbed in bed at 6:30PM and slept for a couple of hours. All of us needed a hot bath and a break from the insanity. But my aunt is back home.

RIP Karl, we have these streets covered.

Catching up...

It has been a crazy busy week around here. Despite graduation, Maggie returned to school to finish out the last two days with her classmates. School is her social center, so she was delighted to go.

That gave me the opportunity to gather all the supplies from this classroom and have them ready for summer school. There are two huge bags of diapers, tubes, food, meds and other supplies. I am just leaving those intact in the back of the van to bring to the summer school site. If I move it I will use something and then have to run around to get her set up at the new place.

I also had the opportunity to get some gifts for the teacher and staff in Maggie's classroom.There is the teacher and the nurse and two aides who I felt must have something from me.There are countless others as well, but I focused on the classroom staff. This is the end of three wonderful years. Of course there is no way to convey the thanks I feel, but I was happy to give something.

In unfortunate news, Tim's days as a kilt wearer are numbered. In fact the number is 1. His last day at the Scottish Import store is tomorrow after only two weeks on the job. Seems the boss man finally read the rules on Wednesday as he was preparing Tim's first check. In addition to the charming kilts, rugby equipment, cashmere sweater and tweed caps sold at this store there is very high end single malt scotch. They have open tastings. Open alcohol presents more stringent rules. Turns out you have to be 21 to work there. Tim will be 19 on Wednesday. To say he is bummed is a gross understatement. So it's back to square one on the job search, but at least this time he has some walking around money.

Tonight Maggie is having her first ever sleepover. Her friends Jordan and Sierra are coming over. At first it was just Jordan, but I decided it would be easier if there were two of them. Once Maggie goes to bed she is hooked up to all sorts of machines and the girls will then have each other to hang out with. I'm not really sure how this will go, but they've been hinting around at this for a while and ...what the heck. They have been good friends to Maggie for a couple of years now. Maggie's limitations don't seem to bother them, so we're going to give it a whirl.

Here they are together on Maggies graduation day. They were the designated "Mobility partners" for Maggie and her classmate Grimaldy who was also graduating. The girls were assigned to push the wheelchairs across the stage and back to their place. At the last minute Griimaldy skipped the ceremony, so Sierra accepted his diploma for him.

We will have a fun evening of music and perhaps another showing of "Paul Blart, Mall Cop."

Yes, I said another. It came from Netflix the other day and we laughed all the way through it.

Don't judge me. That movie is funny.