Remembering a face in the crowd

As I walked out of Golden Gate Park today I heard the sirens and saw two firetrucks pass by. I was concentrating on crossing the street and didn't notice which way they went. I was still a couple of blocks from home. Just because of the way the traffic lights worked, I walked north and then west, which is about 50 yards longer than walking west and then north. Close enough to be called a tie, really.

As I turned onto Cabrillo street I saw those fire engines and an ambulance in front of my neighbor's house. I don't know what happened, but the front door was opened and rescue workers were streaming in and out of the house. I kept going, not wanting to be a ghoul. The ambulance drove by my house as I put the garbage cans out, but the firetrucks stayed behind.

It's now an hour later, I can see one of the trucks  through the yards when I'm on the back deck. I am sitting in my dining room and I can hear the radio on the firetruck. If I decided to listen closely I would probably hear exactly what happened. Really, for all the talk, we have no privacy at all.

Seeing all that brought me back to Valentine's morning when we had the same three trucks and an ambulance in front of our house. Of course it was 3:30 am, so not too may people were walking by, but I'm sure they could all hear everything on the radio if they chose to. It doesn't matter, but it makes me wonder.

So many things stick out about that day. So many painful images. The obvious ones need not be discussed, but one less obvious one came right back to me as I saw the paramedics climb into that ambulance today. I remembered the paramedic's face. It was as clear as day.

Maggie had been "down" for a long time. Too long. They were about to give up when they finally got a pulse; but we knew the damage had been done. And the paramedics knew too. They transported Maggie to the hospital where the staff worked on her feverishly for 30 minutes or so in the ER and then immediately transferred Maggie upstairs to the Pediatric ICU. There were so many people in that ER room. Several doctors and nurses from the ER and from the PICU as well as the firemen and paramedics who were still doing paperwork.

As we walked behind Maggie and the  numerous caregivers surrounding her now moving gurney, I caught the eye of one of the paramedics. He was sitting in a little alcove finishing his paperwork. He was probably the same age as one of my sons. He looked so sad and so defeated. He looked at me and I quietly said "thank you for all your hard work" and he just put his lips together tightly and nodded. We both knew what was going to happen and we gave each other just an acknowledgement of respect.

I think of that guy often and find myself looking at paramedics closely to see if it's him. I did that today as this moment was replaying in my head. If I did see him, I would probably say nothing because it would be too weird, but I would want to tell him what a huge difference he made to us.

Without his efforts - and those of his fellow firefighters - we would have lost Maggie that morning. Instead, we got another 40 hours. They weren't easy hours, but they were important. We spent that time laughing and crying and preparing ourselves. Without that time, we wouldn't have been able to gather our family. Eddie never would have had time to get here from Orange County nor would Tim have been able to come from his house across the park.  We wouldn't have been able to share our memories. We wouldn't have been able to say goodbye.

It's no wonder I can still see his face so clearly. He was an important person in my life.

I hope all is well with my neighbors.

Get your Heart a Pumpin'

Happy Valentine's Day all. Maggie brought a homemade valentine for everybody in her classroom along with a  box of store bought valentine cookies.  I went by the classroom this morning and they were enjoying themselves.

There was a reporter doing a story on the budget and how some of the proposed cuts will effect  people. As it currently stands, the funding for Maggie's dynavox could be in serious jeopardy. It is difficult to convey how important that piece of equipment is to Maggie's life and that of her classmates. And, of course, the only people who need them are generally the most disabled. All of the cuts disproportionately effect the disabled. It is so harsh.

I can't think about that any more. It's too upsetting. I wish there was a way to focus on the waste and the fraud - because there is plenty of both - and protect the services for those who really need them.

Friday there was a story about Governor Brown hopping on a Southwest flight from Sacramento to LA, refusing the business upgrade that cost additional money AND taking the senior discount. No entourage, apparently no security. Just a frugal man doing the state's business. The surprised passenger next to him said, "Hey, aren't you the governor, I'm a state employee, I work for you." Good for Jerry Brown. Leading by example.

That example needs to trickle down to the the rest of the government employees. Why do I get several letters every month from the various state agencies that deal with Maggie. Why does each letter contain throwaway information? Granted, it may be of interest to some, but why is it being mailed to all? Postage alone must cost a fortune. Why don't they email me? It's free.I know not everyone has access to email, but a lot do.

Why did I witness three Daly City firemen, shopping at Safeway in uniform telling the butchers and everyone else in earshot, that they were waiting for Lobster tails. LOBSTER TAILS? I was excited about the special on Italian sausage and they are buying Lobster Tail? Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with firemen being well fed, but I do have a problem with extravagance in this time of fiscal crises. Perhaps one of them was buying it personally, or maybe it was "buy one get one free" day on lobster tail. Somehow I don't think either is the case, though.

If firemen are eating lobster tail, I certainly hope Maggie will be able to keep her dynavox so she can tell everyone how wrong that is.

Ok, I'm done. I know Valentine's Day is a day of the heart, but I don't think the idea is to raise your blood pressure.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone

The morning after

Ahhh, Tuesday morning after a long weekend. I can finally relax. Maggie was off to school and I was enjoying a cup of coffee and a telephone chat with my sister. I was looking out the front window as we talked marveling at all the parking places. That never happens except on street cleaning day. OH CRAP. It is the 3rd Tuesday of the month. I hung up on my sister mid sentence and yelled for Steve. Both cars are parked on the street cleaning side and the cop was working his way down the street. I ran around looking for my purse and ran outside assuming I was too late. However, Steve managed to get to the guy before he wrote the ticket for my car. Steve’s car was already nailed. I prefer to think we SAVED $63 because we only got one ticket.

So much for the quiet morning.


It is a fitting end to a wacky weekend. The Olympics, a dinner party, a visiting rugby team, Valentine’s Day, Chinese New Year and visiting with friends. It was nonstop.

On Friday night, Maggie suddenly lost a tooth we did not even know was loose. That was freaky, but fine. At least she did not choke on it this time. Saturday was a big dinner party here with my mom, sister, brother, niece and her friend. They came over because Tim and a bunch of his rugby teammates were coming and we decided to make it a party. Just as I was putting the food in the oven, Tim called and said they might have pizza and might miss dinner. Ok, I am pretty flexible, but that was a bit much. Are six large hungry men coming to dinner after their rugby game or not? It makes a huge difference in the amount of food. I opted to cook it all anyway, because I figured they would probably eat whenever they showed up. They arrived just as we were finishing so we all moved into the living room and had a second seating for dinner. Yes, they had pizza and yes, they wanted dinner. The food was consumed. They were effusive in their praise, one saying he had not had a meal that good since Thanksgiving. That is nice, but they live in something akin to a fraternity house, cook for themselves and eat a lot of Top Ramen.

All six stayed here and on Valentine’s morning, I made 18 eggs and three lbs of bacon and a loaf of bread and sent them off to their game against USF. Steve and I spent a romantic Valentine’s afternoon at the Polo Fields in Golden Gate Park watching the match. It was very entertaining and Nevada won big. I am still unclear on all the rules of this game, but running into one another at high speeds is a huge part of it.

Monday I met some friends for lunch, which is always fun and watched the Olympics all weekend. I absolutely love the short track skating. It is so exciting. All the speed skating is great as is the skiing. After that luge catastrophe, I could not bring myself to watch that. Unlike most Americans, or at least American women, I do not like all the figure skating. I do like the individual stuff at the end, but the pairs and the Ice dancing just does not do it for me.

My friend Grace called and stopped over for a visit. She lives in New York, but is here visiting her mom for Chinese New Year. She has a new cookbook coming out in May called Stir Frying to the Sky’s Edge (check out pre reviews here (http://books.simonandschuster.com/Stir-Frying-to-Sky's-Edge/Grace-Young/9781416580577) Looks like another winner. I am going to buy a copy for next time the Rugby team comes over.

For now, I think I will just pay the parking ticket and rejoice that there weren’t two.

Today is Valentine's Day. We don't do much on this day except enjoy each other, which is perfect for me. Right now both Steve and Maggie are sound asleep. It's quiet and no one needs anything. That's enjoyable too.

My sister invited us to dinner tonight with her family, my mom, another sister and her father in law. That will be 10 if we go. I said yes but now I'm having second thoughts about taking Maggie out. I'll decide later today. There just so much involved in taking her out. I don't mean the physical effort it takes - that's always present, but manageable. It's the spectacle of it all. Sometimes I just don't want to deal with the stares of others. I really just ignore people, but it does take some emotional preparation that I'm not sure I can muster today. Pretending you don't notice takes effort.

Of course Maggie would have a GREAT time, so maybe that should be the deciding factor.

And I don't have to cook.

We'll probably go.

I wish everyone a Happy Valentine's Day. I hope everyone gets a minute to think of someone they love.

Curl Girl

I live on the West side of San Francisco. The Pacific Ocean is about 3 miles straight down the street. In many coast cities or communities, living near the water is fancy schmancy. Not in SF. This part of town is foggy and cold a lot of the time. The water is freezing and very few people swim in the Ocean. There are hearty souls that swim in the SF Bay every day, and my dad was their king. The bay has tough tides but doesn't have the crazy undertow and the crashing surf that the ocean has. Ocean Beach (clever name, I know) is generally empty save for a few dogwalkers and other scattered individuals.

But there are surfers. These folk have their wetsuits to protect them (somewhat) from the cold and their bravado to protect them from the rocks, undertow and occasional great white shark. (Ok, hardly ever with the sharks.)

Maggie has become something of a connoisseur of the waves and the surfing conditions. The bus picks Maggie up about 8:20 or so and then heads west to get another student. The driver then takes the Great Highway, which runs right along the coast, to get to the school. He listens to KPIG on the radio which has a feature "Girl in the Curl" to give the surf report. The bus driver has the kids confirm whether or not her report of the conditions is correct.

I didn't know any of this until the other day when the bus was a little late. the driver was still loading Maggie when the kids started yelling It's the Girl in the Curl! Maggie started twisting her neck to see the kids in the bus and was laughing her head off.

It's good to know she's getting an education ON THE WAY to school. That's a bonus.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, of course. But that's Saturday, so all the Valentine stuff had to go to school today. Maggie was dressed for the part and had her valentines all ready for all her pals and teachers. She was excited and Happy.

If the waves are good, this will be a perfect day! Gnarly dude!

Maggie says Happy Valentine's Day to everyone!!