I pity the fool

One of my boys, I believe #2, had an assignment many years ago that impressed me. He was in about the 6th grade. The assignment was to write a paragraph explaining the difference between pity and compassion. That’s an excellent assignment, for a 6th grader and for everyone. Try it, it’s not easy.

In the past few days one friend wrote of some health difficulties and told readers their pity was not welcome. I completely understand and agree with that sentiment. In addition there was a comment referring to the compassion one felt for my life with Maggie. I understand, agree with, and deeply appreciate that sentinment.

Why? What’s the difference. Many people use these terms interchangeably, and indeed each is listed as a synonym for the other in thesaurus and the dictionary. Despite the dictionary definitions, however, these two words have different meaning to me and to many other people.

Apparently Neitzche wrote extensively on the subject and didn’t like either emotion.

The best explanation I saw is that pity offers despair and compassion offers hope.

The following are my personal observations:

Both Pity and compassion recognize suffering, but pity sees it in passing and compassion stops to understand. Compassion recognizes suffering on multiple levels and wants to relieve it.

Pity is haughty. Compassion is humble

Pity is judgment. Compassion is acceptance.

Pity is distant. Compassion is intimate.

Pity is not helpful. Compassion is action, or at least desire to take action. Compassion is helpful.

In short, pity sees the situation and compassion sees the humans (or animals) in the situation.

When Mr. T. said “I pity the fool” he was using the term accurately. He was looking down on his subject, he thought them a fool. And indeed they were if they messed with him. " I feel compassion for the fool" just wouldn't pack the same punch.

All of this is subjective, of course. And the variables are several – both in the person offering pity or compassion and the person on the receiving end. One can feel compassion that is (mis)interpreted as pity and their kindness is rebuffed. On the receiving end, one may expect more than one will get. Both lead to hurt feelings on one or both sides. But when it works it really works.

Just knowing there are people out there who care and are offering their support by whatever means, prayers, good wishes, a shoulder, large sums of cash (just in case….) fills my heart and makes every day a little easier.