Sorry, can't make it

Maggie missed a party on Saturday. I feel terrible, but it is just one of those things. Maggie had been ill, but she was well enough to go for a while. It was a reunion of sorts hosted at the house of one of her former and future classmates. Her buddy A is a year older than Maggie is and started high school this year. Maggie will join him next year. Maggie and A have been in the same program for their entire lives, two separate infant programs, preschool, elementary, middle school and next year high school. Other than those years that A went to the next level ahead of Maggie, they have been together. A has a body like Maggie’s that does not work for him at all. Really, there just are not too many folks who are as thoroughly involved as these kids. Those of us with kids around the same age all know each other and help each other out when we can.
We were looking forward to going. A’s house is really designed around his wheelchair, so it is one of the few places we can go easily. On Saturday morning I received a call from A’s sister advising that another individual had sort of invited herself and they did not want us to be uncomfortable. This sounds like I’m the one in middle school, but I knew I could not go if SHE was going to be there. I started spewing out excuses.
This all stems from an ugly incident that happened last spring. SHE was a teacher’s aide in Maggie’s class. She is nice enough, but she's a rather goofy woman. She is a mom herself and her kids attended the same school.
For reasons known only to HER, SHE HIT MAGGIE! On purpose.
She “smacked” her, apparently because Maggie was not behaving while they were changing her diaper. [Side note, Maggie’s behavior can be frustrating]. Please remember that Maggie cannot walk, sit or stand. She is completely dependent on others to do everything for her. In addition, when they screw up, Maggie cannot talk to tell anyone what has happened. As it turns out, Maggie did not have to tell anyone.
When this happened, the nurse was present but because her back was turned, she did not see anything. She heard the slap and her antenna went up, but she proceeded with the diaper change. The nurse was still trying to figure out what to do as the returned to the classroom, when SHE spoke up herself. The woman (perpetrator) announced it to the teacher when she returned to the room. “Maggie wasn’t behaving and I had to give her a good smack.”
Everyone in that room is a mandatory reporter, the nurse, the teacher, the other aides, everyone. They are obligated by law to report any incident of abuse or suspected abuse. The teacher went straight to the principal. One would think that protocols are in place to protect the child, the accused and everyone else. If they are in place, they failed miserably. The principal admonished the teacher not to tell the family and that he would handle it. He did nothing. The woman returned to the classroom to work with non-verbal children who are totally dependent on the adults in the room for everything.
That means Maggie came home from school that day and no one told me anything. The nurse, who rides the bus with Maggie, did not mention a thing. There was no physical evidence that I ever saw. Maggie was subdued, but I attributed that to overall health issues. When I should have been comforting Maggie I was joking around and telling her to cheer up. When I realized that, I felt terribly guilty. She should be able to count on her mom when the other adults in her life scare her like that.
When SHE (the perp) returned to the classroom the next day, the teacher was very upset. It was apparent that nothing was going to be done. He called me. In all honesty, my first thought was “don’t make waves”. Why? I do not know. However, it did not last long. The betrayal was so complete that it took awhile to process all of it.
There was no question this happened. The woman herself admitted it repeatedly. Not only did she do it, she did not think it was wrong, notwithstanding the laws against it. I did not want her anywhere near Maggie
I contacted the principal, who said all the right things, but did nothing. I told him it was not safe to have her around children at all, but particularly not around non-verbal children who cannot protect themselves. The woman was still in the classroom; and, now she was very angry with the teacher and with me for “turning on her.” SHE was the victim. Now I really wanted her away from Maggie.
The principal stopped returning my calls or emails. Nice. I emailed some folks higher up in the district. Eventually the woman was placed on (paid) administrative leave and finally reassigned to another classroom. Of course, that meant that Maggie’s teacher had one less aide in the classroom. Essentially he and the children received the short end of the stick on that one.
This all happened last spring. The woman is working at another school. My concerns were never formally addressed, but I did not need that. I just needed to know Maggie was safe and I could not feel that with her around. Once the new school year started and she was really gone, I put it out of my mind. In fact, I had not thought of her or that incident in months until I received that phone call Saturday morning. I am ready to keep it behind us, but a “reunion” is not something I am interested in.
I learned today that SHE did not come to the party after all. Maggie missed it for no reason. It does not really matter, but it makes me sad and a little angry that this woman still has any control over me and my daughter.