Coffee Clatch

I do a lot of volunteer work. It is good for me and good for the community. Of course, it is hard to measure the contribution to the community when you are sitting on the board of a nonprofit and attending numerous meetings. Meetings and fundraising are absolutely necessary so those on the front lines can do their work; but the contribution does not feel very real, it’s intangible. Yesterday I was involved in a simple “hands on” event that meant a lot to the people involved. We simply provided food and a little respite for families of pediatric patients in UCSF Children’s hospital. The families were very appreciative of Coffee, pastries, fruit and the opportunity to mingle with other families. Witnessing the effect and appreciation first hand made a big difference for me, too.

The Family Advisory Council at UCSF Children’s Hospital sponsored this event. I have been part of this group for a couple of years. The Council is comprised of several family members like me who have experience with UCSF Children’s hospital. Most of the parents on this board have children who are “frequent flyers” at the hospital on an ongoing basis or had extended stays in the past that are now resolved. A couple of them have lost their children and a couple of them were labor and delivery patients who had lengthy hospitalizations themselves. In addition to the family members, there are hospital staff members on the council from most of the disciplines serving the children on a regular basis. Not the individual services/specialties, like Pulmonology or neurosurgery, but nurses, residents, social workers and child life specialists. It is a good representative sampling of the people running around the pediatric floors on any given day.

UCSF Children’s Hospital is a 180-bed hospital located on the 6th, 7th and 15th floors of the UCSF Medical Center. It is an amazing place with the best care possible, but it is overwhelming for parents, especially the physical layout. In order to get to the cafeteria on the second floor, you have to be able to comfortably leave your child’s bedside for 20 minutes or so, which many parents cannot or will not do. (I’m one of them) Once you get there, you are in an enormous place designed to serve the entire medical center. You can feel very alone is a room full of people.

A new freestanding Children’s Hospital is in the works, but it won’t be completed until 2013 or 2014. By the time it’s done, Maggie will no longer be a pediatric patient. A lot of the family issues will be addressed by the free standing dedicated pediatric center. Everything in the new hospital will focus on children and the unique issues presented by pediatric patients. The Family Advisory council has been focusing a lot of its time providing input on the design of the new hospital to meet the real needs of families of patients. That has been interesting, but it too is intangible. Will I even notice if the parents seating is within reach and sightline of the patient as I suggested? No, because 1) Maggie will never use these rooms and 2) if we were in there and it wasn’t set up that way I would just grumble and move it around as most parents would. (My point to the designers: Parents do not need their own “privacy zone” in the pediatric hospital room. They are there simply to care for their child.)

Providing that little break yesterday, right on the 6th floor, gave families the ability to grab a quick snack and we even delivered to the rooms of the patients whose families could not leave the bedside. There were at least 30 families in and out of the room and many others served in their rooms. It was also an opportunity for these families to mingle. Not everyone wanted to, which is fine, but for some it was the chance to get out of the room and commiserate with other parents in a similar situation.

I watched one little foursome chatting with each other. It was an unlikely group from my purely observational viewpoint. A white man in his mid 50’s was chatting with a Chinese woman who had some difficulty with English, a very young African American mother and another white 40ish woman with a US NAVY shirt on. I have no idea what the stories of each of these people were, but I bet there are not too many situations that would find them exchanging pleasantries. Having a sick child or grandchild is definitely an equal opportunity situation, every parent can relate to every other parent on the most basic level. Despite the differences in their age and appearance, each had the exhausted almost vacant look that I know I get every time Maggie is admitted to the hospital. As I watched them chat, I notices each looked just a little less vacant after spending a little time together. That was a very tangible reward for me.

Times being what they are, funding for this event was very difficult to obtain. The hospital is strapped like everywhere else. Becky, the Child life specialist who organized this, told me she spent $350 on the food, but it is unlikely she will get that money again. I have to believe that we can get bagels, donuts, fruit and coffee donated once a month. Even donors like to know their contributions are going to tangible things. Caring for families with sick children is very tangible indeed.

So now, it is my mission to hit up the local bagel places and grocery stores for donations to make this event happen at least once a month. It will be good for me and this time I KNOW it will be good for the community.