There was a small breakthrough yesterday. A trifle, really, but I figured it was time to post something postive.
It will be three months tomorrow since Maggie passed away, and it's been three months and one week since I've been to Stonestown Mall. Yes, I have been avoiding it, but in all honesty haven't really had the need to go. Yesterday I decided it was time to put my toe in the water.
I'm not much of a shopper. I wait until I need something and then I go get it. It's 90 degrees in San Francisco which is a rarity. I have about two shirts that I can wear when it's this hot and I cannot wash them every day. I knew it was time to buy a few things. San Francisco is something of a shopping mecca, so there was no shortage of options for me. Considering, however, that I am not a tourist and have no need to purchase (or pay for) designer clothes, it makes the most sense to just head to the mall.
The Mall. The place Maggie and I went every weekend. Her favorite place in the world. She was a teenager and for the last few years of her life she LOVED to go to the mall. Even if it was just with her old mom. We would go, do a lap around the mall upstairs and down and then head home. We almost never bought anything unless there was a birthday or something. We just had to "be seen" at the mall. I found it a bit boring, but Maggie loved it.
I boycotted the mall for a while after the broken elevaor and insensitive security guard got me riled (see Maggie World: An avoidable series of unfortunate events); but Maggie is far more forgiving than I. Trips to other malls or shopping downtown wasn't the same. Maggie wanted to go to Stonestown mall and Maggie got what Maggie wanted. We went back.
I parked in the lot right next to a handicapped spot. Ironically, there were several handicapped spots available, which never happened when I was with Maggie. (Tuesday afternoon vs Saturday morning). I sat in the car for a few minutes debating whether or not I was ready for this, then decided I was being silly. As I approached the door to Macy's my phone rang. It was Eddie. Happily I plopped down on a bench and talked to him delaying my entry.
When the conversation was over, I took a breath and went in. I made my purchase and as I was looking for my credt card I found a $25 gift card in my wallet that I didn't even remember I had. (SCORE!). I went immediatly back to the car feeling flush with success.
It was only when I started the engine that I realized I only went to Macy's; I never actually went into the mall. Maggie would tolerate time in Macy's, but all the action was in the Mall.
Oh well, I got my toe wet. It's a start.