Friday, June 12, 2015

Life goes on and on and on

We just returned from a quick trip to Oregon to attend the wedding of my nephew Nick and his bride, Michelle. Everything went just as it was supposed to and the wedding was lovely. The happy couple are now honeymooning in Hawaii.

 Nick is 25 and the first of that side of the family to get married. It is a momentous occasion when anyone gets married, and the first of a generation is particularly so. All the cousins were there to celebrate. They were having fun together, dancing and talking and smiling. It was something to see them all grown up and together..

This picture was probably taken in 1996 when they all fit on my couch.
Nick, Matt, Nina, Mike, Eddie, Maggie, Tim

Now they are giant galoots. All grown up and getting married

Michelle, Nick and Mike
Matt, Uncle Larry, and Nina

Grace, Eddie and Tim

As wonderful as it was, it was killing me.

Of course I was very happy for the happy couple and for the entire family, but I felt a giant hole where Maggie should have been. I was teetering on the edge and had to excuse myself for the father daughter dance, but I managed to stay on the brink and not go completely over. The last thing I want is to cry through every happy occasion because I miss Maggie. It's not fair to anyone, including Maggie. That girl was all about the happy. She would have loved that wedding.

That hole is always there but generally I can work around it. Time like this one, when its all about family, it seems like a gaping chasm that threatens to swallow me whole. I know Steve and the boys feel it too, but we just go on about our business lest one of us fall in.

Everyone is dealing with something, but life goes on.We cannot wallow or expect the world to change because of the issues in our life.  We cannot expect others to take on their problems or issues. We all have to deal with our own as life goes on around us. The secret, I think, is to take part in life as much as possible.  Even though it is hard to do sometimes and it can take me to the brink, I find that taking part in life generally keeps me from falling into that gaping hole. And each time you don't fall in is another step forward.

I believe that's commonly called "fake it til you make it."

 I will always miss Maggie and even more so at momentous family moments when she is missing. I will always be sad. But I will also be happy for whatever is being celebrated. You have to let the happy in or the sad wins.

And yes, you can absolutely experience both at the same time.

Because that's life.



  1. It's never easy to move forward without someone you love. Remembering Maggie at these times helps her to live on with you & the family. <3

  2. This breaks my heart. You write it so real, so beautifully. It's not fair that Maggie isn't here to revel in this part of life. Your dogged embrace of life without her is something else entirely and is profoundly wise.

  3. All the love from you, from your family - it's right there. Sadness can be overwhelming at times. "You have to let the happy in or the sad wins." Thank you for reminding me.


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