But traveling is still so odd for me.
As we sat on the plane waiting to take off, I felt so strange. After years of being tethered to home, it's still really odd for me to just GO somewhere. We had maybe three weekend trips in the 20 years we had Maggie and each took incredible planning and arranging and pleading and begging. We've probably had five overnight trips in the 18 months since Maggie passed away and it only requires finding someone to watch the dog. It just doesn't feel right and I wonder if it ever will.
It's not guilt, I don't feel guilty at all. And it's certainly not gratitude. Not at all. I wish I still had those issues in my life. It's just strange to not have to worry about the things that ran my life. I can just go anywhere I want anytime I want, but I don't feel free.
I feel like I have an excellent secret that others cannot really understand. Having Maggie in my life was like traveling to an exotic land. I had experiences that I can't really explain. Those experiences shaped me and made me who I am. Now that exotic adventure is over and I'm supposed to get back to "normal," but I don't even know what that is.
Perhaps I'll figure it our, perhaps I won't. It doesn't matter. I'm still reveling in the experience. It was a great time.
"Lately it occurs to me...what a long strange trip it's been."
And if I'm going to quote the song, we should get to listen to it.