The Village People

Whew! What a weekend. I am actually glad to see Monday roll around so we can get back to what functions as normal in this house.

The graduation was great. Maggie was the very last one to process in and went right next to where I was sitting. She was very excited. For reasons not entirely clear to me, she was the very first one to get her diploma. Everyone else went alphabetically but I think it was easier to get the wheelchair up onto the stage ahead of time and have her go first. I realized it just before they began calling the names because I could see her feet sticking out from behind the curtain on the stage.

Of course, because Maggie was first, my anticipation and interest waned; and listening to the other 250 names became very long. I realized then how little interaction I had with the school. All my interaction was with Maggie’s classroom, and she was in the same room with the same (wonderful) teacher for all three years. Other than those who worked directly with Maggie I knew the principal and the assistant principal and recognized a speech therapist and one teacher, but that’s it. That is just the way it is. It is a special Day Class within a typical school. That offered Maggie a lot of opportunity to mingle with typical students, but mom kept her distance.

Saturday was the party. There were over 50 people through the house during the course of the afternoon. Maggie was in her glory. There were grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, current and former teachers, aides, friends. All of these people, along with others who did not attend contributed to making Maggie the success story she is today. I told two of them that if it truly takes a village to raise a child, they were her village.

Raising any child requires input from many sources. Many parents will not admit it, but they take cues from grandparents, friends, teachers, etc on how to be a good parent. These cues are absorbed into and become part of their parenting style. It’s subtle, but it’s there. With a special needs child that is magnified a thousand fold. I did not know what to do or how to do it. I had to learn medical procedures, and ways to teach as well as learn from Maggie. There is very little peer pressure to raise your severely disabled child a certain way because no one is competing. In fact, most people would prefer not to know anything about it. Hence, as a parent you find the ones who know and gratefully gobble up whatever they have to offer. Eventually you find you feet and pick and choose the advice and suggestions. Nevertheless, as a parent you know that there were people who showed you the way. There is no subtlety involved.

I want to say a big thank you to everyone who helped Maggie get where she is today. There are doctors, nurses, teachers, therapists, friends and family. All of you contributed in huge, meaningful ways and Maggie and all of us appreciate it more than you know. You are the village elders.