Pshaw, it's nothing.

I have always known Maggie was a tough chick, but I have a new appreciation today. Maggie has had so many surgeries that I have lost count. I know it is over 70. That does not include other “procedures” like CT scans, MRI’s and other non-invasive tests. There have been hundreds of those. If procedures do not hurt and are non-invasive, I do not think much about them. It is just no big deal. It could go something like, "Maggie has an MRI scheduled at noon, but I can meet you at two, does that work?"  No more. She gets my full attention and respect for all these procedures. Generally, she has to be sedated for these tests because she cannot possibly stay still. That is a lot of drugs in her little body, which sometimes requires an IV. That just exchanges one stressor for another.

A couple of weeks ago Tim had to have an MRI for his injured knee. He had one last year and expressed concern and trepidation about the test. I pooh poohed him. Of, c’mon, it’s 20 minutes and it doesn’t hurt. He did fine.

Today it was my turn. I was more than a little freaked out. As I was entering that very small tube with my bad shoulder fixed under some gizmo, I felt the panic starting to rise. I closed my eyes and said about 1000 Hail Mary’s. When it was supposed to be finished, the person said he had to do it again because there was movement in my shoulder probably from my breathing. Right. That did not surprise me. I was hyperventilating the whole time. I concentrated on slowing my breathing and started the Hail Mary’s all over again. I was afraid to move my “free” arm (not that there was much room) because I envisioned getting it stuck as I was coming out of the machine. It was wedged uncomfortably against the side, but I just left it there for the 20 or so minutes I was in the machine.

When I got out I texted Tim to tell him I now understood his fear. He definitely has a bit of claustrophobia. He went in feet first and could look around the room and he was still freaked out. I went in headfirst and learned almost immediately that he inherited that claustrophobia from me.

I took the bus home from the place but I needed to take a few minutes to collect myself before I hoped on the bus. I sat down at Starbucks and had some hot chocolate.

I felt like a huge baby. When Maggie gets home I am going to give her an extra hug today to start to make up for all those MRI’s that I thought were nothing.

She will probably laugh, though, because my daughter is a stud.