Saturday, October 8, 2011

Five Finger Discount

One day many years ago I took all three kids to the optometrist to purchase some new glasses for Eddie, who was then about 8 years old. We had to wait for the customer in front of us to finish so Eddie and Tim killed time trying on various frames and modeling them for each other. Some were contenders, others were outlandish and entertaining.

I could tell the woman in the store was annoyed, but I ignored her. The boys weren't causing any trouble.They weren't loud or annoying and they putting everything back were they found it. But she was irked and as a mom you can just tell when someone is not a kid person. She finally snapped at me, "they shouldn't touch those." I said very sweetly, "really? Because we're here to get him glasses and he's going to have to try them on to see what he wants." She relented, but I could tell she was still miffed. When it was our turn she was quite curt and I finally asked her if there was a problem. She told me she does not like children touching her stuff. I said, "Then perhaps we better go somewhere else." I wasn't mad but I certainly wasn't going to give her any business. We left in a very dignified way.

In those days Maggie sat in a car seat. I took her out of her tiny wheelchair to load her back into the car and to my embarrassment I saw that she had a pair of frames in her seat. While the woman was eyeing those evil little boys, their baby sister was stealing frames. So much for our dignity. Always the coward, I sent Eddie back onto the store with the pilfered frames. He left them on the counter and said, sorry, I guess my sister grabbed these. The boys and I laughed about that all the way home. Maggie was too little to know what had happened, but she was very entertained by our amusement.

Maybe we shouldn't have laughed so hard. Maggie turned into a little thief. There's no malice of course. It's just fun to snag things. Over the years there have been other things, such as hairbrushes, keys,etc that little Miss Hot Hands grabs out of pockets or off of any place she can reach. She used to hang out on the floor and would routinely take everything out of my purse, once ripping a $20 bill cleanly in half. If something small is missing you will likely find it her wheelchair. She grabs something and then drops it along the side of her legs where it stays until someone moves her. She finds it very entertaining when we say, "Excuse me madam, can you explain how this got here?" Mr. David, an aide in her class, snapped this shot of her holding his wallet. 

Now she may be moving up to grand theft. The other day the nurse handed me a ring she found under the chair in Maggie's room and said, "Here, Sally I think you dropped your wedding ring."  It is not mine, but it is definitely somebody's wedding set. At first I figured it belonged to one of the other nurses and just put it aside to ask each as their shift came around. It didn't belong to Josephine, Fely, Etoy, Lucy or Joy. I have a house keeper that comes every few weeks and she brings a helper. Surely this belonged to one of them. Nope. I asked a few friends who had been over at the house. Nope. The school nurse asked at school. Nope. I showed it to Maggie and asked if it was hers and she just grinned. 

We have no idea how it got into her room or how long it had been there. Obviously it could have come from anywhere. There are a lot of people in an out of this house. But my suspicions are on Maggie, aka Baby Face Nelson, the sweet looking little girl in the wheelchair who is above suspicion.

Did she take it from somebody? I have no idea. How in the world could she get someones wedding ring without them knowing it. If it was in somebody's pocket or on a counter I could see it, but who leaves their wedding ring lying around? Who else was close enough to Maggie for this to happen? Why isn't anyone missing a ring? It is a mystery, but given Maggie's checkered past, I can't help but wonder. If you are missing your wedding rings, please let me know. 

But you better hurry, Maggie keeps asking about the pawn shop on her dynavox.


  1. Hilarious -- between being a truant and a petty thief, Maggie stands a good chance of being locked up eventually.

  2. HA HA HA that was laugh out loud funny!!!!! Please keep us informed about the mystery ring!!

  3. Snail is quite the amateur thief as well! She's swiped cookie monster toys, drink bottles, and shoes from various shops. I figure the wheelchair kid would be the perfect cover if I wanted a life of shoplifted goodies...

    We took them all back. Except a Cars water bottle, coz she'd drooled in it, and we were already back to the car. *shhhh, don't tell!*


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