Going round in circles all the time.

Another busy week. It sees that all  do lately is run here and there to deal with something Maggie needs. This is nothing new, of course, but I'm finally getting to the point where I realize I have to get some help. The hamster wheel is going faster and faster and I am getting old and slowing down. Bad combination.

The realization hit last Thursday when a combination of events happened that had me racing north and south on the freeways. I had a meeting in San Rafael, which is 20-30 minutes north of San Francisco. I needed to be home by 3:30 to lift Maggie from her chair to the bed for some of her afternoon procedures. The meeting went long and I found myself flying down the freeway praying there wouldn't be any traffic on the Golden Gate Bridge. Fortunately there wasn't, but it was nearly 4:30 when I arrived and poor Maggie was a bit uncomfortable because of the delay. I had to be in Corte Madera for a dinner at 6, and that meant I had to turn around and head back across the Golden Gate. As a bonus,  traffic is a certainty leaving the City in the evening.

This presented a problem for the next set of procedures, which should be three hours later. I would still be at dinner and I couldn't make her wait again. The nurse and I decided to do the next set very early, like an hour later, so that Maggie wouldn't be uncomfortable. That would buy me some time on the back end. It wasn't optimal, but we had to make do.

I never have to do things like this because I generally 1)don't have meetings during the day, 2)don't have meetings or dinners out of the City, and 3)don't schedule things when Steve is out of town, which he was.The reality is that it takes two people to deal with Maggie. I depend on the nurses but I have to face facts, we need more help. Even those nurses who can lift on their own need my help to order and fetch supplies, fill prescriptions, get the laundry done and drive Maggie where ever she needs to be

As I jumped back into the car to head BACK across the Golden Gate Bridge, I thought to myself,  hmm, if I had a normal life I might have spent the last 90 minutes having a cup of coffee or wandering around a mall killing time before my dinner. Instead I spent an hour driving 25 miles south and  then another 10 miles north again so I could  help Maggie for 45 minutes. I spent time and gas going around in two huge circles.  It was ridiculous and exhausting, but I was choiceless.

Yesterday Maggie had a doctors appointment, so I drove her to school, and returned. I went to work at the hospital , ran back to school to get her so I could come right back to the hospital for her appointment. More circles.  It's time to figure out how to continue to care for Maggie and live some semblance of a life outside of this house. I can't keep doing it the way I have been.

I'm getting dizzy