Finally I had a dream about Maggie. I've been waiting for it. Others have told me they have had dreams of her and she was running and free from wheelchairs and restraints, but I hadn't had a single one. On Sunday night I did. It was just a moment and she and I waved at each other across some distance. She seemed to be behind some glass yet we were both outside. Very dreamlike (or I am actually part of the show Under the Dome.)
It made me both happy and sad. Happy because it seemed to tell me she was OK, but sad because I knew I couldn't get there. OK, as I type this, it's more sad than happy.
In a strange way, I have to credit my friend George with this even though George and Maggie never met. I've known George since 1980 when we worked together for a couple of years. We stayed in touch because George is hilarious and makes the effort with all of his friends. It was an occasional phone call or lunch but we were in touch. In the past few years we reconnected and talked often because he worked with Steve's cousin Sharon. He read the blog and made hilarious comments on every part of my life. I talked to him on June 3 and we were going to have lunch the following week before he went up to watch his son graduate from college. The lunch didn't happen because George dropped dead on June 4 while doing his favorite thing in the world - playing golf, I was stunned and shocked when I heard the news from his sister.
Sunday there was a celebration of George's life and many of his friends and family shared stories of George. The stories were all different, but George was the same person to all the people in his life, friendly, funny, thoughtful and a practical joker. He was a delightful guy and everyone was so sad to lose him, but so happy to have been part of his life. One of his cousins talked about him reuniting with his parents and other family members in Heaven. It was sweet.
Obviously, funerals are not easy for anyone, but they are particularly difficult for me this year. I feel the loss of Maggie all over again and it makes me incredibly sad. As I stood in the back of the room listening, his cousin's words hit me. I wondered if George and Maggie would finally meet. In my sadness, I felt a small smile creep along my face. George and Maggie would get along famously.
I've often thought about Maggie in the care of Steve's mom and my dad who greeted her when she arrived. I've thought about all the friends that Maggie lost who were waiting for her - and Maggie sneaking away from her two grandparents to hang with them. But now thinking about her meeting George and hearing the stories I know he would share brought in another dimension. From her vantage point she knows my entire life, not just my life as her mom. It was a nice realization, even though she knows all my secrets, and I think it opened the door to allow me to dream of her.
I look forward to more dreams of Maggie. If I see her on a golf course I will know how that door finally opened. George and Maggie wedged it open when the angels were in choir practice.
The title of this blog is the title of a wonderful but incredibly sad song by Eric Clapton Too sad to share because I felt uplifted by this post and don't want to go back down.