Mom's don't always know best

A disabled child often cannot participate in the things “typical kids” do. As parents, we sometimes have to go through the motions even though we know it’s not going to work. When invited to something impractical for Maggie’s ability level, I smile and say “sure,” but I know she will not be able to participate. It does not go away as they get older. It is always there and it is hard to explain, especially to well meaning people who just want to be inclusive. I have developed a specific churn in my stomach when a situation like this arises.


I felt the churning all week as discussions about the High school prom were being tossed about. Maggie at the prom? Ridiculous! The loud music freaks her out, she can’t wear a dress because of the configuration of the straps on her wheelchair. Also she can’t go alone, I would have to accompany her and that’s just not right that a parent go. It would be miserable for everyone.

Unless, by chance I am completely wrong.

This started last week when Maggie came home with a flyer advertising the Princess Project, which is a wonderful program that gives prom dresses and all the accessories to girls who cannot afford them. (http://www.princessproject.org/princess/get-a-dress/) The girls can go and pick out any dress, shoes, tiara etc, try them on and use them for their prom. When I was in the classroom on Friday one of the teachers asked if we got a dress from the Princess Project. I said, “well, I can certainly buy her a dress, but I’m not sure the prom will be happening for Maggie”

She was aghast. “Why not? All the kids go and they have a great time”. I explained my reasons and listened to her tell how great it would be. I asked if it was for everyone and she said only juniors and seniors. Maggie’s only a freshman but Juan, Tyre and Robert are all going and each wants her to come. I guess she’s the “date” of a senior – or three seniors. I smiled and said “maybe we’ll give it a try for a little while”, but inside I felt that well known stomach churn.

Yesterday Maggie and I were shopping and I asked her if she wanted to look for a prom dress. She said yes, so we went searching. One of the many problems I anticipated is finding a suitable dress that Maggie can wear. She has a young woman’s body but she is the size of a little girl. How would I find a dress in the little girls department that Maggie could wear to a prom?

Surprise surprise, there were quite a few. Many seemed very revealing, but I realized most girls that wear clothes from this department are not developed so the dresses would be fine. They would be a bit much on Maggie, however. Also, Maggie has absolutely NO sense of modesty whatsoever. A spaghetti strap dress would just give her something to pull on. Her chest would be out there for all to see.

I found a turquoise dress that could work, though it had some little girl flowers and plastic beads on it. Those came off easily. I found a scarf the same color with peace signs all over it and draped it over the dress. Maggie started signing YES! YES! YES! Ok, I said, , let’s buy it.

As we headed back to the car, Maggie kept grinning and touching the bag with the dress and scarf in it. It was as thought she was saying, “ok, I’m really going.” She was beyond delighted and I was grinning from ear to ear.

I sill don’t know how we will get the dress on with the straps in the chair (I can cut the dress if need be), or who will accompany her the night of the prom (it can’t be her mother or one of the old nurses) and I don’t know how she’ll react to the music. But I do know the churning in my stomach is no comparison the excitement in hers.

Maggie is a teenager and she can tell you.  Sometimes moms are just wrong.