A winning compliment

Growing up in a large Irish Catholic family was fun. You knew the rules and ignored  kept them (mostly). All seven of us went through 12 years of Catholic school without a thought about it. Though I was 4th in line, I was the first to venture away from Catholic schools for college. It was a bit of a revolution in my house, but you knew if there was a storm, Sally was in the center of it.

 I went to UCLA and loved it. Despite its non religious status, I did not become a heathen or fall off the end of the earth. Unlike many San Franciscans, I do not HATE Los Angeles. It's a great town with a million things to do. I always knew, though, that I wasn't going to stay there.

Perhaps because I didn't stay in LA and perhaps because I have such a tight group of friends here from growing up, I fell out of touch with almost everyone from UCLA. There are still Christmas cards and the occasional facebook comment, but other than a rare reunion, I have fallen out of touch with every one. Except Clare.

Clare was my roommate for two years. She knows all my secrets. We lived in an apartment on Barry avenue and we named it Try Barry Pie to recognize the resurgence of sororities (we did not wish to join, it was simply an homage). Our next door neighbors were two sisters about 90 years old who used to listen to Johnny Carson at full volume. Every time we heard that introductory music we would laugh our heads off. They were 90 and tuning in a show at 11:30. We were 21 and trying to sleep. We bonded and have remained close friends ever since.

Funny - though college was my Declaration of Independence and my revolution from Catholic school, my closest college friend is from a large Irish Catholic family.

Shrug. What can I say? It's part of me.

Clare teaches special education in the central valley where she lives with her daughter Anne Marie. The two of them and Clare's mom Marilyn are frequent visitors to San Francisco and they always include us in their plans. Recently Steve and I were invited to her sister Anne's 25th anniversary luncheon. That's pretty good considering Steve had never even met Anne and neither of us had met her husband. We were interlopers, and happy to be there! It was an elegant affair and a lovely afternoon. I was able to talk to Clare and two of her sisters and catch up on the news about the others.  I love this family and feel a part of it.  

At that luncheon, Anne Marie looked beautiful in a flowered print dress and I told her so. She's in high school now and looks quite grown up and lovely. She has a great sense of style.

Apparently that style is not limited to clothing.

On Thanksgiving weekend Clare and Anne Marie came to SF and we spent one morning shopping on Chestnut Street. Maggie joined us but was not her cheerful self. She was exhausted from Thanksgiving and all the activity. That did not deter any of us from having a good time. After shopping, Clare and Anne Marie came back to the house and brought  Maggie a gift. It was the flowered dress Anne was wearing at the luncheon as well as another beautiful dress and wrap.

They know Maggie goes to the prom every year and thought one of these might work. You should have seen Maggie change her demeanor.   Now Maggie's wardrobe is set for her 18th birthday bash AND her prom.

I was sorry to see them go, but I made sure to complement Clare on her car as they drove away. You never  know....

No friends like old friends

If there are no friends like old friends, then I am a very lucky woman because I have a lot of old friends. I am spending this Sunday night with my three friends I've had since childhood.  I have another group of girl friends from a job I had 20 years ago that I see regularly.  Over the past few weeks I  have reconnected with other folks from various parts of my past and it has been great. 

First on the hit parade was my college roommate Clare and her lovely daughter Anne Marie. I do not get to see them often enough, even though they only live in Stockton, about 1.5 hours from here. They drove over to spend the afternoon with us a couple of weeks ago. It was great and I'm hoping to see them more often in the coming months. Clare and I were roommates for 2.5 years during our days at UCLA.We were both English majors and had an IMPRESSIVE collection of Cliff's notes between us. She and I know a lot of each others secrets, so it's important to stay on good terms. I'm kidding about that. It's easy to stay on good terms with her, she is hilarious. 

Last Friday we had some friends to dinner that I haven't seen in several years. I used to work with Richard. His wife and Steve worked at a similar (but separate) firms, so we all knew each other. Richard and I both left that firm about 20 years ago and and connections were more tenuous. Each of us were raising kids and all that. I kept in touch with him and ran into his wife once or twice, but we never seemed to get together. Not only did they come over, but he COOKED dinner and we laughed ourselves silly. Maggie told a few jokes to keep everyone entertained. 

The very next night has to be the corker, though. I went to a reunion of my grammar school class. Not high school, GRAMMAR SCHOOL, meaning I was connecting with the people with whom I spent my childhood. St. Stephens grammar school is a K-8 school. I graduated in 1970. That's 41 years ago! It was impressive, out of 41surviving classmates, 19 showed up, the brave ones actually bringing their spouses along. There were about 30 people there.   Two of my former classmates organized it with a lot of help from Facebook. (saving Egypt and connecting long lost friends and acquaintances.)  Someone would say something from that era and it would spark 10 other memories. 

Of the 19 classmates there, only three of us still live in the City, but most are in the surrounding communities. Two actually traveled to attend this function - using the opportunity to visit family at the same time.  It was amazing to see the grown ups we have all become. The kids I last saw at age 14 are now lawyers, teachers, firemen, contractors, butchers, television producers, and professionals of all types. Several are looking at retirement and some are grandparents.  It was wild.

It's good to remember all the facets of your life. When I get bogged down in ordering Maggie's supplies or waiting for doctors or prescriptions or anything else, I just have to remember all the people I have encountered in this life that helped me get to this point. You have to smile. 

In fact, here are a few of them from 1970:

Can you find me? 

Old (and I do mean OLD) friends

I have three close friends from my childhood, whom I’ve written about before. We have all known each other since we were little girls, 700 years ago. In fact, the connection goes back another generation as some of our parents also grew up together.

How is it that we could have stayed friends all these years through all of life’s ups and downs? Many other people I have known since childhood have drifted in and out of my life. What made the four of us stick together? Two of us went away to college in different cities and returned to the area at different times. We all had busy lives with kids and work. We settled down at different stages and our kids went to different schools at different times. Why has this worked?

Well, for one thing we know each other’s secrets. Keep your friends close and your old friends closer. Another is geography; we all stayed in the Bay Area. We live in four separate counties but easily within 20 miles of one another. Still, many other people fall into those categories but have drifted away over the years as lives change.

I think the biggest reason we have remained close friends is effort. All four of us have made the effort to remain in each other’s lives, no matter what differences there may be. Maggie is the youngest of all our kids by four or five years. When she was born and in the years since, these women have helped me in so many ways, often by taking me away for a few hours, putting a drink in my hand and reminding me of all the foibles of my youth until I laughed so hard I cried.

I was the last of the four to settle down. In the ten or so years after high school I went to college in Los Angeles, moved to Boston, came back to San Francisco for a while and then decided to go to law school and moved to Sacramento. I returned here for good in 1985.
In those same years the other three went to college, one going away for a short time but returning after a couple of years, and the other two staying put. Two of them, Nonie and Sharon got married within one week of each other in 1981, before I even started law school. By the time those weddings happened, though, Lori had been married about 5 years and had two girls, Jennifer and Julie. Lori was always the first to hit the “next stage.”

I remember playing with her baby daughter Jennifer in an apartment I had in San Francisco. She was maybe 8 or 10 months old. I remember it so clearly, because I was playing with the baby on the floor and not watching closely enough and Jennifer hit her head. Unhhh. That still gives me a sick feeling. Lori scooped up her baby and soothed her and me at the same time. She was calm and forgiving. She was a mom and even though I was not anywhere close to that myself, I was impressed. (For some reason she did not let me hold Jennifer again. Hmmmm.)

Apparently, there was not too much lasting damage to Jennifer. She grew up, became a teacher, got married and, as of three days ago, has two kids of her own. Her daughter Catalina (Lina for short) came home yesterday to meet her big brother Thomas. (When she reads this I will never get to hold her baby)

That means Lori is a grandmother twice over. Once again, she enters the next stage before the rest of us. Nonie, Sharon and I are very happy to call her grandma as often as possible. (Lori IS, after all, the oldest of the four of us.)

And though I’m nowhere close to that stage, I am once again impressed by Lori and the ease with which she moves into the next stage of life with gusto and shows all of us how easy it is. She is a fun grandma or “noni” as she is called. She is obviously completely smitten by and wrapped up in these grandchildren and we are happy for all of them.

She cannot shake us; we are those crazy friends of Noni’s that these children will make fun of for years to come.

Circle of Friends

Like many people, my life can be separated into various chapters; family, childhood, high school, college, working, law school, professional life, marriage, parenting, and, in my case the world that I’ve become part of because of Maggie. Each of those chapters overlaps with some of the other, but each is separate and distinct in its own right. I am happy to say that I have circles of friends in each and while those circles overlap some, for the most part they too separate and distinct.

In the past 24 hours, I have had contact with someone from every one of those circles. That makes me feel rich indeed.

Today is a special day in several of these circles. My wonderful friend Deborah is celebrating her birthday today. We have been friends since my sophomore year in college in 1976. We were roommates for that bicentennial summer but other than that have never lived in the same city. We often joke that is the reason we have remained such close friends. Happy birthday Deb! Lori is someone I met in Maggie’s world. We have been friends for 13 years since her twins were babies. She is celebrating a resolution of an ongoing battle with her ex-husband and this Friday the 13th is a lucky day for her.

Tonight I will meet with three women I know from my professional life. This is my “club”. The “club” does not do anything, does not stand for anything, and does not meet very often. There are only four members but this “club” has been meeting for almost 25 years. When we started in the mid 80’s we all worked at the same law firm where I was an attorney, Pavan and Kathleen were paralegals and Anna was a secretary. Pavan went to law school shortly thereafter and has been an attorney for about 20 years now. We would get together for dinner every couple of months cooking elaborate dishes for one another. One by one, we left that firm, but we continued to meet regularly. As some of us had kids, the dinners got less and less elaborate, more infrequent, and finally we just met for drinks and appetizers. Sometimes we let others join us but it never really clicked with anyone else. We decided we were an exclusive club and membership was closed. We do allow guests periodically.

The club is coming to my house tonight. Steve is out of town and I cannot really leave Maggie alone with this nurse, so the girls are coming here. We are getting back to our roots, but it still will not be elaborate. There is one rule, no gossiping until all members are present. I hope no one is late. There could be an issue when my sons arrive home for the weekend. We have a strict “no boys” rule, though we have generally made an exception for offspring. In reality, I think the boys will be happy to make themselves scarce for an hour or so. GAH! Mom and her friends? No thanks!

Another group of people are those who disappeared when Maggie was born. I know some of that is just life and time and the changes that come with both. However, for some it was a choice to distance themselves from our situation; that is their loss. However, knowing they are out there makes me treasure even more the many circles of friends that I do have.

I feel very rich indeed.