Quiet!

I woke up to a strange buzzing sound this morning and it took me a minute to realize what it was because I haven't heard it in several weeks. The alarm clock! That means I actually slept all night. It's been a crazy month around here and sleep has been fleeting at best.

Wednesday night Maggie pulled out her feeding tube, the other night it was her trach tube. My injured shoulder kept me up for several nights as did listening for my father in law while he stayed with us for a few weeks. But last night all was quiet. Steve is backpacking, no one is in the spare room, all Maggie's tubes and appliances stayed where they were supposed to, the nurse didn't need any help and the motrin I took before bed kept the shoulder from throbbing. A recipe for a  quiet night's sleep. If I can repeat that for another week or so I might catch up. But Steve will be back Sunday with two extra people who are staying here, so I have to make the most of this weekend.

Someone did call my cell phone at 12:30AM to cancel an appointment we had for today (Really?) but I didn't hear it. Good thing I charge my cell phone in the kitchen while I sleep upstairs. I can't be responsible for what I would have said if I rushed downstairs to answer that.

Just before I went to bed I received this picture in an email. A friend took this of Maggie the other day with a fancy camera. I stared at it for a long time because it is an excellent picture of Maggie. It really captures her - especially her joie de vivre.  I put it on facebook with the question "Is there anyone in the world as happy as this girl?"

The consensus is No.

Wait here.

I wonder how much of my day is spent waiting for some body or something. I wait for Maggie to wake up so I can do the last push to get her out the door in the morning. I wait for the verrry slow elevator to take us downstairs, I wait for the school bus, I'm on hold with doctors offices, supply companies, agencies, insurance companies and everything else. We wait for appointments with doctors and therapists, we wait for the night nurse to arrive, and for the meds to be ready at the pharmacy. We wait for deliveries of diapers and food and other supplies. It's time lost. I can't really do anything else but busy work because I know I will be interrupted.

I live in "The waiting place." Dr. Seuss cautioned against it in the wonderful book "Oh the Places You'll Go"

You can get so confused that you’ll start in

to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace

 and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, 

headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, 

or a plane to go or the mail to come, 

or the rain to go or the phone to ring, 

or the snow to snow 

or waiting around for a Yes or No 

or waiting for their hair to grow. 

Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite

 or waiting for wind to fly a kite 

or waiting around for Friday night 

or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake 

or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, 

or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, 

or Another Chance. 

Everyone is just waiting.

I'm in that "useless place" right now. Waiting. And it's particularly frustrating when I have to wait for something Maggie related suring the school day while she's not even with me.  I had my jacket on all ready I'm ready to go out but couldn't. I'm in a holding pattern.  The oxygen guy called at 10AM and said he would be here between 11-2. Hmm. Should I run out quickly and come back or wait. I can't miss him,. the tank needs to be filled. I asked him "Do you think that's closer to 11 or closer to 2." He said between 11-12. OK. I'll wait here first. I did my banking on line, started another load of wash and folded the three loads that had piled up on top of the dryer. I cleaned the kitchen and started the dishwasher. It's only 11:45.

Tap tap tap.

I could clean out my dresser or my closet, but let's not be ridiculous about this whole thing.

ahh-- doorbell.