Just Dance!

A voice yelling my name at 4AM is a difficult way to start the day. Miss Maggie decided to yank out her tracheostomy tube in the middle of the night. I heard the yell and instantly bounded down the stairs, or so I thought. When I arrived I learned that the nurse had been yelling for 10 minutes. (why she didn't use the extra telephone line, I don't know).  She did get the old one back in. so Maggie was safe, but she could not get the supplies she needed to replace it and tie it around her neck. I did that in about 10 minutes and went back upstairs to bed. It was hard to go back to sleep with the adrenaline pumping like that.

This is not an unusual occurrence, in fact if you've read these posts for any amount of time, you've seen the same story before. Unusual or not, it's jarring and not something you get used to. This incident and so many others are examples of Maggie's fragility and tenuous grip on health. Even when the adrenaline slows down after an incident like this, the reality of Maggie's situation creeps back into my mind.

No one in this house lives life half way, including Maggie. You have to LIVE your life. Yes, Maggie has numerous life threatening conditions, but she lives her life to its fullest potential all the time. Sometimes folks are afraid of Maggie's health issues and we try to set minds at east as much as possible without denying the reality of her situation. 

 Recently one of the professionals working with her expressed concern about Maggie's rapid change in status. She's right to be concerned, and we have to be wise, but I don't want fear to prevent Maggie from living her life. I turned to her and said kindly and simply, "She's dancing on the edge of a cliff. Let her dance."

I don't know where it came from, but that image has stuck with me ever since. The cliff is always there, we can't ignore it and we have to respect it, but we really can't do anything about it either. I like the image a lot. In fact as I lay awake this morning and some of that fear and dread started creeping in, the image comforted me.

 Forget that hackneyed "Glass half full" analogy. I'm sticking with this one. Maggie  is dancing away and we can either watch the dance or watch the edge. I'll take the dance, thank you.

I have to add this picture because after I wrote this I remembered this picture of Steve at the top of Half Dome Last year. I think this may be where I got that image. Maggie gets her dancing ability form her dad. My wildest activity is typing fast.

    

Clare's home!

Spring has sprung in San Francisco. It is a perfect day here today. The sun is shining, the flowers are in bloom and alls right with the world. This is the garden in front of the Conservatory of Flowers in Golden Gate Park this morning.

Things just feel good today.My niece Clare arrived home last night after spending the last year in Ireland. Everybody is so excited that she's back, especially her mother. I haven't seen Clare yet because she's checking in at the new job she starts next week but I did get a full report from my sister as we walked around the Park this morning.  We were talking about all the cousins and how things are falling into place for so many of them. There are probably 10 grandchildren in their 20s and they are finding jobs and making things happen. It's a great thing to witness.

It used to be hard for me to think like this because I know those opportunities will never be there for Maggie, but it really isn't hard anymore. Nothing has changed with Maggie - I mean she doesn't have a paper route or anything - but I no longer compare her life to others because there is simply no comparison. I realize now that Maggie is living her life and loving every minute of it. For her every day is like the day her cousin comes home after being gone for a year because she is always delighted. Just check her out with her grandpa, she can hardly contain her joy.

Coming to this realization obviously makes things a lot easier. Instead of worrying about Maggie's limitations, I often find myself a little envious of her outlook on life.