Holiday Happenings

Christmas is coming and the social calendar is full. It's not that we are flitting from party to party, but there is definitely a lot going on. That's a good thing because it is very easy to get melancholy now.

Steve and my brother in law Vince delivering toys

On Saturday Steve participated in the HO HO HO Row for the second straight year. Several of the members of the South End rowing club dress as Santa or one of his elves and take boatloads of toys from San Francisco's Aquatic Park to Pier 39 where they deliver them to the San Francisco Fire Department for their annual toy drive. It is a fun event for a great cause and really puts you in the Christmas spirit.

toy loaded in Steve's craft

Here come Santa Clauses

Saturday night was Steve's annual office party/dinner; but as we were getting ready we learned that Steve's dad had fallen and was en route to the hospital, so plans changed at the last minute. His dad is banged up, but ok. We took him back to his assisted living facility and then made an appearance as the party was winding down.

Sunday we took a drive down to Los Gatos to a Christmas tree farm which is owned by Steve's friend Eric. That place was amazing and a hubbub of activity two Sundays before Christmas. Everyone was enjoying themselves. Families with kids, older couples, young couples. It was great.

We only stayed a little while, though, because I had 12 people coming for dinner. My niece Mary Clare was in town and we threw together a dinner for whoever could make it. One of the many nice thing about having a big family is no matter how many can't make it, you can always raise a crowd.

All of these things keep us busy and hopping, which is good. Staying busy keeps some of the sadness at bay. The Holidays are a hard time when someone you love isn't here any more. Opening up boxes of Christmas decorations and seeing things Maggie made or loved is particularly heart wrenching. It just stops me in my tracks and I walk away from the decorations for a while.

But then I remember how much Maggie loved the hustle and bustle of the holidays and it gets a little easier. I have video of Maggie and Tim decorating the tree (see Maggie World: Tree by Maggie) and  countless pictures and memories of the laughter we shared at this time of the year. And that makes it better.

But I do miss my favorite elf. 

Breakfast and Baseball filled Mothers Day

Hope everyone had a nice Mother's Day.  It is a bittersweet day for me. More sweet this year because I was busy from dawn til dusk.  We started the day hosting a breakfast for 14 at our house. My mom, two sisters, a brother, their spouses and available kids came over. It was Plan B. We were going to head up to the wine country for a picnic, but I backed out when I learned that Eddie was coming home for Mother's Day and my gift from him was tickets to the Giants games.

 I told my siblings I would host the breakfast, but they had to be gone by noon so we could go to the game and they were not allowed to put me in the position of throwing my mother out on the streets on Mothers Day.  That's just bad karma all the way around. They took care of me.

We really had fun on our adventure to the game. We took the train and ran into a few delays, so we didn't sit down until the bottom of the first. No problem. Plenty of baseball left.

When Steve and I go to the game, we watch intently, we clap, we cheer, we groan all at the right times. But we really blend in. We are average fans who don't stand out.

It's different with my boys. They are superfans who never blend in. Tim kept the entire section entertained (or annoyed, but mostly entertained) with his constant banter. He took aim at the opposing pitchers warming up in the bullpen and it was really quite hilarious. It's definitely rated PG; he does not swear or say anything mean, but he razzes them unmercifully at the top of his lungs.  Eddie joined in and we spent a couple of hours laughing pretty hard. When the relief pitchers gave the game away to the Giants, we had to give the boys credit for rattling them. Fans were giving them high fives them on the way out, so I guess/hope it was funny to others as well.

                  

We stopped for a beer after the game to let the crowds on the train die down. As we sat on the deck at the Hi Dive, we could hear the music inside. I swear every single song was on the Maggie Mix from 2012, Katy Perry, Bruno Mars, Call me Maybe and more.  I finally commented on it, and each of the boys had already noticed.  Another of Maggie's songs would start and we would just look at each other with a wan smile. It was good, though. It was like a message that Maggie was right there with us. Oh man she would have really laughed at Tim and Eddie's antics.


Keeping so busy was great. I was a bit melancholy here and there during the day, but generally busy and laughing. By the time we got home I was too tired to care about anything and ate some Pizza and went to bed.

And if you are wondering, Tim's shirt declares I'm proud to be an Air Force Mom. That's his mother's day shirt. The people behind were deferentially asking me if I was an Air Force mom and I had to say no.  The deference disappeared rather quickly. 

Run run run as fast as you can.

Busy weekend around these parts. Dinner with family on Friday night, breaking in the new target store that just opened on Saturday and then spending 4 hours cleaning out the downstairs room with Tim. It looks a thousand times better, but we have waaay too much crap.

Yesterday Steve and I took Maggie to watch the Nike Women's Marathon trail through the fantastic Seacliff neighborhood. My sisters Ellen and Joan came down from Sonoma county too. Maggie's cousin Colleen was running the half marathon and we told her we would be out there at about the 8 mile mark. Her cousin Clare may have also run. She volunteered for the event and was likely given a bib to run, but we never found her.

 I chose that point thinking I could easily park with Maggie and there wouldn't be a lot of people somewhere in the middle of the course. I was wrong on both counts. The neighborhood was FULL of people cheering and ringing bells and carrying signs. I couldn't find a place to park and finally pulled right up to the barricades that was closing off one of the streets and parked there. A man pulled up next to me and asked if it was OK to park there. I shrugged and said, "It's OK with me." He laughed and parked next to me. Safety in numbers. (and no we did NOT get a ticket!)

There were thousands of runners. Thousands of women. Like 30,000.  If I had to estimate, I would say there was one man for every 50 women. It was really quite amazing. It was 7:30 in the morning and there was this incredible energy in the air and on the streets. I had to keep pulling Maggie back out of the way as the throng of runners just kept coming and coming. I figured if a runner crashed into Maggie's chair, Maggie would be alright, but the runner would really be hurt.

We watched and yelled and cheered and got caught up in the energy of the day. Maggie and I made a sign on Saturday night that said Team Colleen and we waved that around At least three different runners named Colleen appreciated that before we found our Colleen.  Someone from the Kaiser Permanente group gave  Maggie a pom pom and she was into it.

It was great. Then I saw a woman running in a shirt that said simply  "Boston Strong" and I felt my eyes well up with tears. It was shocking to realize (again) how something as pure and wholesome as a marathon could have been the sight of so much carnage and horror. Now I have to root for Boston in the World Series.

We were delighted when we saw Colleen trotting up the hill. Thanks to the beauty of texting, she knew exactly where we were and I told her to come up the left side, so she ran right into Ellen's arms. She hugged every single one of us, stopped for a picture and headed on her way.

We went back to our illegally parked car and realized how freaking cold we all were. Ellen and Joan headed north and Steve and Maggie and I went home and drank tea.

Colleen kept running.

A Rose by any other name

This a a picture of my grandmother, Rose Fitzpatrick Casey. I never met her, she died 19 years before she was born. I think Maggie looks a bit like her. And today she is looking for her as well. 

Maggie is completing an assignment today; but it was not assigned by her own teacher, rather by her Uncle Pat who also happens to be a teacher. Maggie and her classmates have an appointment at the Mission high Museum today so she can do her best to complete the assignment.

This all started a few weeks ago when my brother Pat asked me if I knew where our grandmother Rose Fitzpatrick Casey had gone to high school. Pat has a lot of the family documents (such as they are) but nothing that answered this question. Because of presentations I did at a couple of family reunions, I know a lot of family history, but I didn't know the answer to this question either. Most of my knowledge and the documents involve the Casey's, the paternal side of the family, not the Fitzpatricks on the maternal side.

Pat had already checked with my mom and she didn't know. Her mother Rose died in 1937 when my mom was just a little girl. Her older siblings likely knew, but the last of her siblings died earlier this year. We were sad to realize that meant there as no one left to ask. Naturally that also meant we HAD TO KNOW.

There weren't very many high schools in San Francisco at that time and the one that was full of the Irish was none other than Mission High, the very school Maggie attends today. We know Rose younger siblings Joe and Alice went to Mission, so it is likely that she did as well. Since we have our very own Mission High student, Maggie was the logical one to take this on.

Fortunately, Mission High has a museum. This school recognizes its place in San Francisco history and has taken care to preserve it. I love that.   There is a wrinkle, though. Rose was born in 1891, which means she would have been in high school in 1906, when the great Fire and Earthquake rocked San Francisco. It is likely her education was interrupted by that event and it is possible that records were destroyed. Maggie is on the job and I hope they find something.

I would venture to guess that if she is successful, Maggie will be the only student at the school who can claim a connection from 100+ years ago. It just doesn't happen anywhere very often and especially in this city, which has always been a mecca for newcomers. Mission High has long been a school for the newest populations. In the early 1900's those newcomers were the Irish, like Rose Fitzpatrick. Today Mission is full of students from dozens of countries, who speak numerous different languages. That's part of what makes it so interesting, but also makes it far less likely that anyone else has a great grandmother that went there.

As I sit here typing this, Maggie is doing her thing, digging through the archives. I do hope she has help or those precious historical records will be strewn all over the place.

Stay tuned.

Rose on her wedding day to my grandfather John Casey. She made her own dress. That's her sister Sara behind her and I'm not sure who the best man is.

don't you think they look a bit alike?


 

Two days off

I slept in today. Steve handled all the morning madness. Maggie got off to school without me. At least I hope she did. 

                       

I don't know for sure because it's 830 am and I am 200 miles away. My mom, my sister Joan and I stole away to beautiful Lake Tahoe for two glorious days. 

The weather is cool and crisp and the wind is blowing. It feels great. We are staying at my friends house which is located right next door to to the house my parents owned for 30 years.  They sold it in about 1999 before my friends bought the place next door so it's quite a coincidence.

 Of course we had to check out the changes to the place that my mother designed. Here's what it looked like in about 1995. Maggie, the boys and I are in this picture along with my mom, my brother Pat and his family. That area of the deck is completely gone now and so is the tree that was growing through the deck just behind all of us. 

There's no one there, so we couldn't ask to go inside (and you know we would have). The house is spruced up and they changed the amazing giant deck in the back into two smaller decks. My mom did the inspecting.

                                

There are great great memories in that house. My mom would move up here for the summer with however many kids could go with her and my dad and the rest  of the kids would come up on weekends. My dad's "weekends"often went Thursday to Tuesday in the summers. 

Joan reminded us that she and my brother Pat, the two youngest siblings were up  the longest and even went to summer school a couple of summers. She wanted us to know that time wasn't wasted. She learned to make this in Tahoe-ology. He is our mascot for these 48 hours. 

I spent a lot of time up here too but not enough to have benefitted from Tahoe ology like Joan did. By the third year of high school I always had a summer job but I came as often as I could. (Two summers I worked in my dad's office so three day weekends were a breeze)

 We came a lot when the boys are little too. We didn't come up here much after Maggie was born because she couldn't handle the altitude. My parents sold the house when Maggie was about 5.

Great memories. Great getaway. I really needed this break. I will not be returning to reality until tomorrow. 

From Angelina with love.

My Uncle Jack Casey passed away the other night. He was a great guy and I am sorry he's gone. He was 91 years old, and he lived every single one of them. He was still driving and and going to work right up until he suffered a stroke in December.

I come from a large Irish American family. Jack was one of seven kids. One died in infancy but the other 6 lived long busy lives producing 32 children between them. With his passing, my mother is the sole survivor of those siblings. That is hard to believe because each personality was so distinct and such a part of my life, I can't imagine they are all gone. What a reunion must be going on in heaven now!

Jack was the patriarch, the host of the family reunions, the teller of family stories and the keeper of family history. Many of us heard the stories multiple times, some only once or twice. Once you heard them, though, you didn't forget them. Thanks to Jack, my kids know about my great grand father Michael Casey as well as their own great grand father (my grandfather) John Casey and their contributions to San Francisco and to our family. That is a tremendous gift for which I am ever grateful.

Uncle Jack also had a great sense of humor. When I was a kid I was just a little bit darker skinned than all of my fair Irish cousins. There were several blonds, a few redheads and many brunettes. Even the brunettes had the fair Irish skin, though. Except me. I had dark hair, dark eyes and eyebrows, and skin of a more olive complexion. Because of this my Uncle Jack thought I looked Italian and always called me Angelina Baciagalupi.

And I always answered to it.

The other day my mom and I went to see him in the hospital. We knew from his kids that the end was near and wanted to visit. My mom was at his bedside and though he was weak and half asleep,  it was clear that he recognized her and was happy to see her.  I was next.  I wondered if he would know who I was. (He was Uncle Jack to a LOT of people). As I leaned over to kiss him, I remembered what would set me apart and said,

"Hi Uncle Jack, it's me. Angelina Baciagalupi."

His face reacted immediately. My cousin Alice, his youngest daughter said," Well THAT brought a smile." Alice didn't know the reference because she is younger than me. The whole Angelina thing was done by the time I was about 10 and she was too young to remember. I pulled that out of the deepest recesses of my childhood memories. Besides, even if she was old enough to remember,  I like to think that was something just between Jack and me.

It probably wasn't necessary. Uncle Jack knew exactly who was who and what was what until he drew his last breath. But getting that last smile from my Uncle Jack, a guy who was always smiling, made my day.

Godspeed Uncle Jack. Thanks for everything.



Nobody laughed harder at Jack's stories than Jack himself.

Jack's obituary in the SF Chronicle is  here

Whirlwind escape

I ran away from home this weekend. Just for 24 hours. Maggie was in charge while I was gone. She runs this place like a Swiss train.

 I flew down to Burbank and watched my friend Elizabeth perform in the Expressing Motherhood show at the Banshee theater.  The show consisted of 12 mothers reading, or in some cases performing, a piece they wrote themselves about some aspect of motherhood. There were raucous laughs and some tears, there was unmitigated joy and seething anger just like motherhood itself. If you are in the area, the show goes again next weekend. It was a wonderful escape.

I went with my friend Janet who was already heading down there to visit her mom. We flew down at 2:30 pm leaving us about 90 minutes after we arrived before we were to meet a few others for an early dinner before the show. We went to a brand new mall that looked like Main Street in Disneyland. Dinner and the show were great, I met some new people and made instant connections and we sat together for the show. Afterward, Janet and I each headed to the homes of our respective brothers for the night.  I returned by noon on Saturday. I hadn't been to my brother's house in many years and had a great visit with him and my sister in law and niece before leaving there at 10:30 am to return the rental car, get on the plane, then the shuttle, then the BART train so that Steve could pick me up at Civic Center. It was an exhausting 24 hours, but a great break.

When I returned Maggie was happy to see me, but not for the reasons you would expect. I came in and she gave me a smile and waved and then immediately pointed to her nurse and beamed. She was over tho moon because her nurse Josephine was back after a month off. Steve said when they went to the park in the morning Maggie said on her talker. "Dad I am excited. Josephine coming to see Maggie." Steve said that's right Maggie and who else is coming home?"Eventually, Maggie threw me a bone and added me at the end of the sentence.  "Mom's coming."

It's nice to be missed.

Milestones A-Mundo

Wow. Another busy weekend. These graduations and birthdays have us hopping. This weekend we went to another nephew's graduation (I have a total of four graduating nephews this year, Two from high school and two from college.) In addition we had a birthday party for my mom.

Saturday's graduate was Jack, my sister Joni's son up in Petaluma. Joni's house is flat and it's the one house in my family that is easy for Maggie's wheelchair. She hardly gets to go to anything, because it's too far away, or too long or not accessible or something; but this one would work. It is about a 45 minute drive, but Steve drove and I sat in the back with Maggie. Since we had my mom and Tim with us, it was easy. We arrived and got Maggie into the house and went straight through to the back. They have an enormous back yard and the party was out there. The day before the party by brother in law put the finishing touches on the new deck, which looked great. Unfortunately, he decided to drop it down about a foot and now there was a two step drop outside. BUMMER. Maggie stayed inside for a bit and then we lifted her down to the deck. It was not difficult and this house is still the easiest of all of my siblings, but the ease of movement was gone.
Oh well, the party was great.

Joni had SOOOOO much food that she gave me a Caeser Salad to take home. I don't mean just a salad for dinner, I'm talking about a GIANT salad - she had two of them plus a ton of other food. I was hosting a brunch on Sunday and I could put that Caeser to good use. To give you an idea of the size of the thing, Steve and Tim and I had only salad for dinner on Saturday, I fed it to 16 people for brunch, four of us had it for dinner on Sunday and there's still a full sized bowl full left. It was delicious.

The brunch was in honor of my mother's birthday. It's a big one, but I won't publish her age here. Believe me when I tell you she doesn't look or act it; but it needed celebrating. My brother came up form LA with his wife, three of my sisters and their husbands and 6 of the 20 grandchildren came here for brunch. In a birthday miracle, the fog cleared long enough to enjoy the back deck for a while. It was a whirlwind fiesta but there was a lot of laughing, and loud talking. Maggie sort of checked out and just snoozed in the living room.

Pictures - above, the birthday girl is blowing out the candle on the LIME cheesecake that my sister Kate made from the gazillion limes in her garden. Oh MY, that was good. Below is me and Steve, my sister in law Dianne and the birthday girl. It was a fun afternoon.

Once everyone was gone, Steve took off on his bike for a few hours. Tim and Maggie and I kind of  lazed around and recovered. I am still in a bit of recovery mode, but today, Mom camp resumes. It is up to me to make sure Miss Maggie is entertained.  It's a drippy day out there, so we may have to do something indoorsy. Maggie is fine with that as long as the focus stays on her.  No more of this honoring others nonsense for her. It's back to Maggie as the Center of the Universe.

All is right with the world.

Easter Recap

Hope all who celebrate had a Happy Easter. We went to a fun and raucous Easter Brunch at my mom's house. I believe we were 26 total with lots of siblings and cousins. It was fun. I never sat down to eat at the Brunch because I snagged so much bacon while I was cooking in the morning.

I was in charge of the meat and I cooked a ridiculous amount of bacon and sausage. This is 9lbs of Bacon and there are 3 lbs of sausage underneath that.  Vegetarians should avert their eyes. Of course it was too much and I gave out meat party bags to Tim and two nephews.

Maggie loves these gatherings with her cousins. there were 10 or so out of a total of 20 cousins there ranging in age from 17 to 27.  The vibrant energy of this crowd together cracks her up. And every cousin checks in with her, and of course she adores the attention. My nephew Jeff turned 18 yesterday so there was cake and singing, which is also hilarious in Maggie's view of the world.  Maggie wore her fancy Greek sandals, and in our own little Easter miracle, they stayed on her feet until we got home. Actually she lost one in the driveway as we arrived home, but that is a new record.

We came home and I read my book while Steve and his dad watched the masters on television. We had a quiet dinner of Easter ham. This was the traditional Easter dinner when Steve was growing up and it is for many others as well. Not me, though. I absolutely HATE ham and had vegetables and potatoes for dinner. Maggie and I hung out while Steve took his dad home. She snoozed in her chair, exhausted from a day of celebration and  revelry.

Back to the grind today. And there will be no cured meat of any kind allowed in this house for a week or so.

___________
My letter to the editor is in the SF Chronicle today. It doesn't appear they edited it at all. Three or four others also took issue with the suggestions that the city charge $500 for a handicapped placard. You have to scroll down a bit to get to it.  http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2012/04/09/EDC31O02T3.DTL

Post Christmas Post

Maggie's Christmas socks from Eddie and  Grace. 

Christmas has come and gone. It was lovely. Exhausting, but lovely. Maggie stayed healthy (but she's getting sick now), my boys were here. All was right with the world. Now I am fighting the urge to throw the Christmas tree out the front window so I can restore what passes for order around here.

Eddie and Grace arrived from Southern California late Friday night and stayed until Monday. My father in law arrived Thursday and was here for the whole weekend. Tim stayed here on Christmas Eve night and had to sleep on the floor because there was no room at the Inn. We tried to draw the parallels, but a pad and sleeping bag on the floor isn't quite a manger.

Here are Maggie and Tim just before we left for Church on Christmas Eve. 

We stayed home for both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. This year, for the first time I didn't even take Maggie to church with us on Christmas Eve afternoon. It's a difficult time of year for her health wise and the crowds of coughing people at church seemed like an easily avoidable risk. Besides, the stares of people in church creep all of us out. They are either fascinated or look at us doe eyed like we have given them perspective at Christmastime. Thanks, but that's not a role I care to play. Of course once there I felt tremendously guilty and sad that she wasn't with us. Can't win.

We have had a Christmas Eve dinner of cracked crab and ravioli for as many years as I can remember. This year was no exception. My mom and Steve's dad were here along with my brother and his family and all of us. My sister Joan and her family came by before dinner to visit so there were 16 people in and out of here. Christmas Day is was just the five of us and my father in law. Poor Tim had to work at noon on Christmas Day because God forbid people have to do without their Starbucks Latte for a day. That was a bummer for him, but he was here for the gift giving frenzy and came back and ate dinner here. Best of a bad situation.

Of course there was one dramatic moment after everyone left on Christmas Eve night. Steve was upstairs helping his dad get settled, the boys and Grace were in the living room talking and Maggie and I were in her room. I put her up on the bed and was changing her diaper. Maggie's room is straight back from the living room - a distance of maybe 20-25 feet through the dining room. They can see me, which turned out to be a very good thing. Maggie's muscle tone is especially tight lately (probably because she was getting sick) and changing her when she's like that is very challenging. She was in a very awkward position and suddenly did this Olympic diver twist and flew off the (very high) bed. I screeched as it happened and was able to "catch" her in mid air to break her fall, but there was NO WAY I could have held on.

 I didn't have to. The boys appeared out of nowhere before she hit the ground and saved the day. They must have seen it unfolding because they were there in a flash. I didn't know either of them could move that fast. It was like they had winged feet. They said it felt like one step instead of five or six. Maggie thought it was hilarious. She already thinks of them as heroes. Right then, so did I. We were damsels in distress and they saved the day.  

If that was my Christmas magic moment, I will take it happily.

The morning after

The obligatory shot of the turkey and a picture of the colorful vegetables and sweet potatoes.

Thanksgiving was great. Family came here, which is perfect. It's just too difficult to take Maggie out of her element. I would much rather do the cooking and prep work than try to cart her off somewhere. Everything we need is here and set up for easy use. We needed it yesterday as Maggie needed an oxygen boost for a bit mid day. Not sure where that came from because she seemed healthy. Maybe something is brewing. 'Tis the season for illness as well as shopping, holidays, family, eating, etc.

Just to complicate my life, I did start the day out with an unnecessary stressor. I offered to bring the turkey over to my moms house and put it in the oven for her. The problem was that both turkeys were going to take five hours to cook and both of us were planning to eat around three. I was waking up in the night worrying about how to get it all accomplished in a short widow of time. My plan was to get mine stuffed and in the oven and then race over to my mom's house to do the same thing. That was going to take precision timing.

I made the stuffing on Wednesday - a ton of it to stuff two big turkeys. I had the potatoes peeled and boiling and the cranberry sauce all cooked by 7:45 and then had to get my turkeys.

I always order my turkeys from Arguello Super (home of the World Famous Turkey Sandwich). It's just a couple of blocks form here and the turkeys are fabulous. The best part is you can pick it up Thanksgiving morning, meaning no ridiculous overcrowding in the refrigerator Wednesday night. I arranged to pick up two turkeys, one for us and one for my mom. I was standing at the door when the store opened at 8AM. These are big birds, 21 and 22 lbs. I knew I couldn't carry them home so I brought my old lady shopping basket. I put my 43 lbs of turkey in it and wheeled it home. .

Really sorry I don't have a picture of that to share with you.

My bird was in the oven by 8:30 and I headed over to moms. Steve called while I was en route. He was exasperated. Ms. Maggie was going crazy and he couldn't get the talker to work. That was making her crazier and she was trying to pull her trach out. I tried to talk him through the fix, which I can do in my sleep, but I just know it, I can't explain it without looking.  I was sitting in my mothers driveway trying to explain it and finally said, "Look, if I could hang up and get this turkey stuffed and in the oven, I could be home in 25 minutes." He basically had to sit next to her and hold her hand down until I got home. Come to think of it, that episode should have been a warning that she didn't feel well, because that is definitely not her norm.

I stuffed mom's turkey and put it in her oven, gave her a kiss and left. My sisters and brother were headed there for dinner and one of them would get it out when it was done. I was back home by 9:45, fixed the dynavox in about 30 seconds. (Steve was on the right page to fix it, but we were describing different parts of the page to one another and didn't realize we were talking about the same thing.)

The rest of the day went off without a hitch. The food and company were excellent. The dishes are done. The 49ers lost, but they are still 9-2, so even that was palatable. The nurse arrived at 11:00PM and I fell into bed. And then woke up at 4:30 AM and never went back to sleep. I got up at 5AM and had a cup of tea and said goodbye to Tim who had to go to work early. Now it's 6:30 and I'm out of gas, but the nurse leaves at 7.

The term "long weekend" is taking on new meaning. At least there are leftovers.

I need coffee.

Sweet Sydney

Maggie received a gift in the mail yesterday. That's a fun thing for a random Wednesday. Of course Ms. Maggie tends to receive gifts fairly often. This is her third gift in a week. Her aunt and uncle sent a t-shirt from Notre Dame University. She loves it. Over the weekend her brother Eddie gave her a cool Felt Bicycle shirt, so Maggie looks very cutting edge. All three gifts were great, but the one on Wednesday was very touching.

She received a book from her cousin Sydney.

Sydney is actually the daughter of Maggie's cousin Kelly. Kelly is the first of the 20 grandchildren and Maggie is among the last.  The age spread is just about an entire generation. Sydney, the first of the NEXT generation  will be 11 next month so she is much closer to Maggie's age. Sydney and her family live in Montana and we've really only met the kids, including Sydney, a couple of times. When they come to California they naturally go visit their grandparents in LA not crazy great aunts and cousins in San Francisco. I did write about a visit they made her a couple of years ago. That was a great time. (Maggie World: Big Sky Invasion)

Sydney sent Maggie a book entitled Out of My Mind by Sharon Draper. This book is a novel for kids about a girl very much like Maggie. We plan to read it to her while she recovers from her surgery tomorrow.  The book itself is great, but the sentiment is even better.

Sydney wrote this inside the cover:

Dear Maggie, When I read this book I thought of you! The main character is Melody. She is sweet, kind, loving and SMART, just like you. Love Sydney.  

Then she decorated the page with a Glittery version of "MAGGIE" (hard to see because it's neon green)

Maggie grinned from ear to ear when she saw it and ran her fingers across the glittery letters.

 I almost started to cry. It was so heartwarming to receive this and to know it came from Syd's heart, which is obviously quite large. Maggie is very lucky to have cousins like Sydney and her sisters who don't let little things like time and distance interfere with thoughtfulness and family.

I wish I could think of a clever book to send back but I am unaware of a book with a heroine so sweet and generous and thoughtful. If Sydney is indicative of the next generation I think we can all relax a little bit about the future.

Rebel

My ancestors emigrated to the United States from Ireland some 130 years ago. My great grandfather Michael Casey settled in San Francisco and rose to power in the labor movement of the early 1900's. He was a rabble rouser and bettered the lives of many people with his work.  His seven children, my grandfather and his siblings, were powerful city officials in their day, but less controversial then their powerful father. They were born in San Francisco, not Ireland. Perhaps they didn't have the same need to fight. Perhaps they didn't have to because of their father's success at fighting.  Perhaps the inclinations is always there but the fight changes. Perhaps it skips a few generations.

Maggie seems to have it. Her whole life is a fight and she battles every day with a giant smile on her face. Like Michael Casey, she betters the life of many many people. She has the Irish charm and the fighting spirit.

Recently our friend Kelly traveled to Ireland to visit her family. She came back with a gift for Maggie, a t shirt from County Cork, the rebel county. Though my family is not from County Cork, I do believe Maggie qualifies as a rebel. Maggie was delighted with the shirt and wears it proudly.

Maggie's rebel status may explain the official letter/notice  I received on Saturday. Maggie is now an official Truant from the San Francisco Unified school district. It is curious, of course because Maggie goes to school every single day. Or at least she gets on the bus. For all I know she is leading an uprising on that bus every morning. Her great great grandfather would be so proud.

Despite the street cred this gives Maggie, I was less than pleased with this official notice and emailed the principal and the teacher on Saturday afternoon (as soon as the notice arrived) letting them know I thought this was ridiculous and asking for it to be remedied.  I told them it felt a bit like someone was turning the knife. I received a response from the principal in less than an hour.That impressed me.  He agreed it was ridiculous and promised to put a stop to it.

Maggie, of course would rather I left this alone. She would prefer to maintain her rebel status.

Back to Reality, whatever that is

Good morning. It's already Wednesday! We survived our long weekend, but just barely. It was a whirlwind.

It was great to see Eddie and Grace again. Maggie was beside herself, She just kept saying "Eddie Eddie Eddie" on her talker. He would occasionally answer with WHAT?!?! and she would laugh her head off. Maggie would then say "Eddie,  I am happy," to which he would reply/shout "Prove it!" and that would start her laughing all over again.

Dinner on Sunday turned out to be a 15 person soiree. We had to bring up a folding table from the basement to accommodate everyone. Food was delicious and company even better. There were in laws, cousins from both sides my mom and Steve's dad.   The conversation is always lively and loud punctuated with lots of laughter. On top of all that, Maggie needed suctioning almost constantly, so I would be up and down form the table suctioning her, but not missing a beat with the conversation.

 My niece brought her friend who had never met any of us. I could see she was trying to make sense of who everyone was, how they were connected and what was going on. She may be writing her own blog right about now.

While juggling all these balls in the air, I neglected to do the one thing I planned, which was to get a picture with all three of my kids. That didn't happen. Oh well. Eddie will be back in November. We'll try then.
 I did get Eddie, Tim and Grace along with Eddie's friend John just as they were heading out for a night on the town.

Everybody but my father in law was gone by Monday morning, so Maggie and I decided to take a walk in the park. As we started through the pedestrian tunnel we saw all these guys coming and I had to grab a photo.

I should be sued to seeing these segways, but when they come through in a line like that it still cracks me up. I feel like we have slipped into a cartoon or something.

 OK. Labor Day is behind us. Even though school started three weeks ago, now it's for real. In fact today is picture day and Maggie was dressed like a member of the French resistance with her black and white striped shirt and scarf around her neck. I hope they don't put a cigarette in her hand to complete the look.

"Fall" Semester and Family,

The first day of school went swimmingly. It was great to get back in the swing of things. Oh, and Maggie had fun too!

Maggie has a new teacher this year, Mr. G, and her boyfriend Juan has moved up to the next class, but other than that everything will be the same for her. She dozed a bit during the school day, but was beyond excited when she got home. We will have to work on that schedule.

Part of her tiredness yesterday stemmed from a family gathering we had on Sunday evening. Maggie's cousin Casey was in town from Denver. We haven't seen her in three or four years, so we rounded up as many family members as we could and had dinner. Of course not everyone could make it. Some people were away or working or otherwise engaged, but that doesn't matter.One nice thing about my family, we can fill a room no matter how many people are unavailable.  I believe there were 14 people here and it was an energetic gathering. Here's a random sample. Casey with one aunt,( me) one uncle and Grandma.

        Maggie and Casey were "Kissin cousins"

The party broke up pretty early because folks had to travel home and it was Sunday night. Monday morning comes early.My brother Pat and his wife Julie both teach high school in the SFUSD, so it was a school night

for all three of these hooligans.

Finally in what I hope was not a metaphor for the new school year, I had a less than graceful face plant yesterday in the middle of an intersection. A divot in the roadway turned my ankle and try as I would to keep my balance I went down like a lump. I'm certain it was highly comical for anyone watching. If I was 17 and did that I would have died of embarrassment, but physically I would have been no worse for the wear. Instead at my advanced age I could not care less about the embarrassment factor, but I ache all over. Another reason aging is not for the young.

Have a great day out there. Look three ways before crossing the streets - two ways for traffic and one for potholes!

Floored

After five  years of ignoring the need, we are getting our hardwood floors sanded and refinished. It will look amazing and I will be absolutely delighted when it is done. I have to keep telling myself that  because getting from here to there will be a challenge. The very thought of the preparation for this is exhausting.

 Any type of home repair or improvement  is very difficult to accomplish with Maggie in the house. We operate with very little room for deviation and the noise and disruption of construction or repair are too much. We let things go far longer than we should to avoid upsetting the delicate balance of our little eco system.  However, when you reach the point of no return, you just have to bite the bullet and do it. That’s where we are with the floors.

Hardwood floors fun throughout the entire house, with the exception of the kitchen and bathrooms. In order to get them refinished, we have to completely move out, lock stock and spice rack. Everything.  The furniture, the rugs, stuff in the closets, everything.  We decided not to do the bedrooms this time because we have to have someplace to store everything. We can do those another time and simply vacate the upstairs without disrupting everything.  We are also leaving the carpet in Maggie’s room so we don’t have to move things out of there.  Now we can put the biggest pieces of furniture in the kitchen and in Maggie’s room, a bit in the basement and all the chairs and boxes of things in the bedrooms upstairs.   Four days later we will put it all back and reclaim our house with its gleaming wooden floors. (Refrain) I will be delighted when it's done..

As daunting as all of that sounds, it is only the beginning. We also have to figure out WHERE to go that can accommodate Maggie’s access needs and handle all the equipment and things we will need , including nurses coming and going at all hours. In addition to Maggie’s clothes and wheelchair, we have the oxygen (and tubing), the compressor (and tubes), the feeding pump (and bags), the suction machines (and tubes), the nebulizer (and tubes), the dynavox, the pole, 13 different medications and syringes, trach masks, catheters (two kinds) , extra trach tube and extra  gastrostomy tube, two cases of food, feeding tubes, diapers, chucks, wipes, and of course the IPOD full of Lady Gaga tunes with the player.  (Note, list is not exhaustive, that’s just off the top of my head).

We considered going to my mom’s house, but the flight of stairs into the house means carrying Maggie more than I can safely handle. We planned to go to my father in law’s house, where we can get Maggie onto one level easily, but it is an hour away and I wouldn’t have any nursing help.  Plus there would be no way to monitor what’s happening at the house and if we forgot anything it would be too difficult.  I considered a hotel but the cost is outrageous.  My brother Pat offered to let us stay at his house in the City. He will be out of town that week and his house has a bedroom and bath on the ground level.  We can have the nurses there and we can run back and forth to our house to deal with the contractor and to retrieve any forgotten supplies. As of this moment,  that is the plan. It is the best possible option and I appreciate it tremendously.

Still,  I am not looking forward to all the work and hassle of this. I just keep telling myself it will be worth it. And we won’t have to do it again for 15 years. It will need it in 10, but we will ignore it for 5 years. 

(Refrain) I will be delighted when it's done.

Happy Birthday Tim!

Today is Tim's 21st birthday. That is just a little bit mind boggling to me because it seems like yesterday he arrived in our lives. It is fascinating to me that my offspring can be adults while I have not aged. The wonders of Science!

Tim was born on Fathers Day. He was a few days late and I was more than ready to be done with the pregnancy. That morning I gave Steve two Father's Day presents, one from each child, because I assumed we would already have the baby by Fathers Day. As I handed the gifts over to him I said, "if this baby isn't here by midnight, you have to give one of those back". Charming, wasn't I. Tim did not let his father down, he arrived in time for the 10PM news.

When Tim was born something clicked in me. "I thought, OK, this is a FAMILY." I don't know why. Eddie was already two years old and we had been caring for him and doing all family things since he was born. But the arrival of child #2 was the end of the novelty of being a parent and the beginning of honest to God real life parenting. On the way home from the hospital I was completely overwhelmed with this thought. As we drove, we passed my old high school and other landmarks from my childhood. I was thinking - I had a whole life before I even knew Steve and now we have TWO KIDS!. Steve, not knowing what was going on in my head asked why I was so quiet. I looked at him wide eyed and said/shrieked:

"We have two children and I hardly know you."

(There is a slight possibility the hormones were at play there.) That phrase has become a staple in this house. If I ask Steve something mundane, e.g.if he wants mustard on his sandwich, he will sigh and say, "You hardly know me." It still makes both of us laugh.

Tim was a wild man as a baby. His favorite thing to do was to bang his head on the hardwood floor and then give a huge grin when I would rush over to stop him. He was big and brawny from the get go and he and Eddie were a hilarious pair. They still are.

When Maggie arrived, she and Tim formed an instant and lasting bond. He loved to hold her when she was little. I've put this picture up a few times, but it is my favorite.

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If he's here and watching the game or something, he will pull her out of her chair to sit with him. He talks about the strategy of baseball. Maggie is a great listener. If something goes wrong in the game, he tells her, That guy is a BUM and Maggie signs yes.

Maggie adores Tim. She adores Eddie too, but Tim is here and I get to see it more often. When he walk into the room she starts jumping around in her chair, even if he's just been upstairs for 20 minutes. He gives her advice about school and boys. She listens intently and then laughs in his face, as any little sister would. He gets s stern face and points at her and then she laughs so hard she almost stops breathing. By then he's laughing too.

Tim is the middle of the 3 kids and in many ways the anchor for the other two.  He is fiercely loyal to friends and family and absolutely hilarious to be around. He was here last night and left at 11:00 to ring in his birthday at midnight. It was off to a rousing start, but having to be at work at 7AM may have slowed things down a bit. Maybe I have aged a bit, because that is FINE with me.

Here he is in his white sport coat, circa 1962 and painting shorts as he heads out for what I'm sure was his very first beer* on his 21st birthday.

*oh, except for the one in his hand.

Family

There are so many advantages to being part of a large family. Growing up one of seven kids with dozens of cousins was a blast. When I married Steve I added his siblings and large extended family. Now that we are middle aged (eek!), I get the added bonus of a gaggle of nieces and nephews. There are even a few in the next generation.

There is a down side, though. We attend a lot of funerals. In the past five years we've lost my dad and Steve's mom as well as three uncles and three aunts between us. I won't even get into losses for the extended family. All of these individuals lived wonderful lives, and most were over 80 years old, but a couple were shortchanged by 10 years or more.  That still hurts.

Today I'm going to the funeral for Steve's Uncle Tony, a very kind man who was devoted to his church and his family. There was a service last night as well. Though it's sad to lose another family member, I found great comfort seeing many of Steve's cousins and their families there. Family comes together at times like these and you can feel the support in the room for Tony's wife Pat, and his kids and grandkids. You can't help but smile.

Last year my brother spoke at my aunt's funeral. I have to admit I tuned out at first, thinking about a million different things as he spoke because I was the person in charge of the funeral. I heard him listing various family members sitting around a table bantering back and forth. I started to pay closer attention because I noticed he left out my mother and her brother Jack, who were both present in the church at the time. I hoped he would correct himself, but I slowly realized he was talking about all those who had passed away. The image of all those family members from  the two generations before me hanging out together in Heaven was wonderful and has stayed with me since that time.

Whatever you believe about the afterlife or God or anything else is entirely up to you. If there is something that comforts you, that's great.  Right now it gives me comfort to think about Tony reunited with parents his two sisters and brother who went before him as well as his first wife who died as a very young woman. I hope they are enjoying a nice Portuguese feast.

I also hope there is no more room at that table for awhile.

Connected cousins

The holiday was great. Thanksgiving dinner was at my moms'  We were a relatively small number (14)  for dinner this year. If everybody is there, which rarely happens, we are about 40. Exactly 1/2 of the 20 grandchildren were present at my mom's for some of the day on Thanksgiving. Here she is posing with nine of them. (Note my son Tim in the back with the beard. You wouldn't know he's 6'1" tall in this crowd)

 It was just the "girls"  this year.  That's me and my four sisters and our families. My sister Ellen and her  family had to go to her inlaws for dinner but they were there for the appetizers.  Joan's entire family was there, but Kate, Mary and I were missing a kid (or two, in Kate's case) who could not make it home for the Holiday. My two brothers did not come. My younger brother and his wife went to Lake Tahoe. Their daughter is away at school and finals are next week so she didn't come home. Happily, though, she is in school in Los Angeles, where my older brother lives. She went  to her uncle's  house because he was staying in LA with his wife.

The picture above shows only 9 of the 10 grandchildren who were there. Mary arrived after Ellen and her family left so Patrick was missing from the picture. There are a couple of reasons for this. Mary and her family come from the farthest distance, about 2.5 hours away. More importantly, her son Patrick operates best on a shorter time frame. Holidays with all - or even half - the cousins can be extremely overwhelming for anybody, but especially for Patrick. Patrick is 25 and autistic. He lives in a group home and comes home to see his parents every other weekend and on Holidays. 

Patrick sat next to me at dinner. He kept saying hello to Maggie in his very quiet voice and she would laugh uproariously every time she heard it.  These two cousins have a special bond; or maybe all of us have just decided they have a bond because they are both profoundly disabled, albeit in completely different ways. I think it's the former, though. There is a kinship there. 

I was happy to get this picture of the two of them together, both smiling and actually looking at one of the cameras.(There were several. Patrick and Maggie had to deal with the paparazzi.) Usually there are too many people floating here and there, or one of the two of them is absent from the party because of illness or schedule. Not this time.  

We have a lot to be thankful for..