Grandma said there'd be days like this

 When I was a kid my grandmother had certain “days.”  Two of those  "days"  were the anniversary of the day my grandfather died and his birthday. I didn’t remember my grandfather; he died when I was two, so those days didn't mean anything to me. Still, it was obvious that those days effected my grandmother deeply. She was obviously down needed everyone to acknowledge that. She would say she felt “a little blue” in her soft Dutch accent. 

 My dad, her only child, would remind all 7 of us to give Grandma a call because it was one of her "days." So, my siblings and I would pick up the phone and call her or, if possible, drop by and see her and say all the right things.  I always did it, mostly because my dad asked me to. It was an obligation, not a heartfelt gesture. At the time I just didn't  understand it.

 Now, 31 years after my grandmother died (at age 97), I feel like I owe her an apology. Because now I understand. Now, I have “days” too. 

 March 3^rd is a "day" for me. It is the day my life changed because it is the day Maggie was born.

Today would be Maggie’s 24^th birthday.

I presume everyone has “days” and we all handle them differently. My grandmother was “blue” but I don’t feel that way today. I remember my happy smiling daughter and miss her a little more than usual, but that’s ok.  Unlike my grandmother, I do not need anyone else to acknowledge this day, but it is important that I do.

 March 3^rd is a day that has evoked many different emotions over the past 24 years. The year Maggie was born it was a day of shock and fear, which is the exact opposite of how the day you have a baby should feel.  For many years when Maggie was little, it was a difficult day because instead of celebrating milestones, this day was a reminder of milestones she wasn’t hitting. She wasn’t walking, she wasn’t talking etc etc.  After a few years I stopped worrying about what she wasn’t doing and noticed what and who she actually was. Once I got to that point, March 3 was a day of celebration. Maggie loved her birthday. It was the day everyone focused on her. (Oh wait, that was every day.) For the past 4 years it is a day of remembering, sometimes happy, sometimes sad, always a bit melancholy.

So March 3 is a “day” for me. It is a day of strong emotions and powerful memories, good and bad. I guess that makes it kind of an incredible day, which is fitting because she was an incredible person.

Happy Birthday Maggie. We miss you today and always.

Returning to Kansas

March 3 will always be an important day in my life. It is Maggie's birthday.  It is a day of bittersweet reminders.

You may think the "bitter" in this bittersweet story is the fact that Maggie has now been gone for three years and of course you are correct, but that is only a part of the story. The day she was born was the hardest day of my life. (Well second hardest now.) We were so excited to have our baby girl and that was dashed by the terrible news of the severe medical and physical issues that were threatening her life and would shape her life and ours forever.

Obviously, we came to understand those physical isues and embrace them as part of the person Maggie was, but initially it was incredibly difficult. And each year on her birthday, the horror of that day shadowed the celebration of her birthday for all of us, except Maggie.  She loved her birthday, as most kids do. In Maggie's case though it was a day that made sense. She was the focus of the day as she figured she should be every day.

The sweet part of this is easy. It is the day Maggie came into and completely changed my life. Despite the initial fears and concern, we not only adapted to Maggie's world, but thrived in it. And make no mistake, it was Maggie's world, we were just her supporting cast.

Maggie was a force in this world. She was small and disabled and many people overlooked her power, but that was at their peril. She was large and in charge and she let everyone know it as soon as she could.

If this were the Wizard of Oz, I would be Dorothy and Maggie would be the tornado. (Steve is probably the scarecrow.) The tornado swooped in and changed Dorothy's life and perspective forever. We were not in Kansas anymore when we were in Maggie's World. Maggie's World was Oz. We met so many wonderful people on our Yellow Brick Road and fought off witches and flying monkeys at every turn.

The likeness falls apart because Dorothy always wanted to leave Oz and get back to Kansas. I was happy in Oz and would have stayed there forever. But now I am back in Kansas. The tornado is gone and we are left to pick up the pieces and forge on like the scappy farmers we are. We are doing that, but I think Steve and I are are more akin Auntie Em and Uncle Henry these days.

It's boring and its flat in Kansas and on days like today I wistfully look back and remember the energy of the tornado, the good things it brought, and how it changed us all for the better.

Happy Birthday Maggie, we miss you and your incredible energy. It is still a part of all of us.

Same song, new lyrics

I have a big birthday coming up. One with a zero after it. Those always give one pause.

How can I be this old when I don't feel any different than I did in college? OK, the knees and back are a little slower and there's definitely more of me to love, but inside I'm exactly the same. So many years and experiences under the belt, but I don't feel any older.  I still marvel at the fact that I have children, but they are no longer children. It's hard to reconcile.

My friends feel the same way. I have several close friends that I grew up with and we are all facing the same big birthday, yet we go out and laugh ourselves silly about the same things we laughed about decades ago.   Exactly the same things.  And they are still funny. 

When you have lifelong friends they know all your secrets. There's no BS. They can pull up some obscure moment from your past in every detail and have you in stitches in no time. 

In 1980 - yes 36 years ago - I went to Europe with my friend Nonie and my sister Kate. We spent weeks traveling around with our backpacks sleeping on trains and having a great time. When we were in Salzburg, Austria we took a "Sound of Music" tour. It was something Nonie really wanted to do and of course we went along.  It turned out to be one of the most memorable and most hilarious days of my life. This is partly because it was the morning after a late night at a local beer garden. We were seriously hung over but rather than fumble our way through it, we decided to fully embrace this tour. It was small, just the three of us, a guide and a Japanese man who sold Harpsichords. Of course we named him Lurch. He excitedly told us he saw the movie seven times (and this is before the days of vcrs and dvds). That started us laughing and we never stopped. Lurch laughed right along with us. 

We went to the house and grounds the Von Trapp Family lived in the movie. It was beautiful, of course and we had to reenact the scene in the Gazebo where Liesl and her soon-to-be-Nazi boyfriend sang "I am 16 going on 17."  It was hilarious and ridiculous and I know given the chance I would do the same thing again.  

I may have aged, but I have not matured. 

I tell you that story simply so I can share this photograph that I received in the mail the other day. Nonie sent it in anticipation of my big birthday. That's me in Salzburg in 1980 doing my impression of Liesl.   The caption is more recent. 

The lyrics have changed, but the song remains the same.

Birthday

Twenty years ago today our lives changed forever when Maggie entered the world. I think you already know the secret. Most of the changes were for the better.When she arrived, Everything we knew about parenting and babies and health and emergencies was turned on its ear. It took us quite a while to adapt to our new role and even longer to be comfortable in it.

But we did get comfortable.

In fact we had a blast.

Sixteen days ago, out life changed again when she left this world. Now we have to try to adjust to the world without her.

That will take longer.

Happy Birthday Maggie. It was an amazing 20 years.

                                              This is from my birthday 3 weeks ago.

Aging gracefully

February 7. When I was a kid I hated this day. It meant my birthday was over and I had to wait another whole year for another one. Now I love it because my birthday is over and I get to wait another whole year for another one.

Yes that's right. the odometer of life clicked over another point yesterday. The birthday was great, I went to dinner with some of my siblings and my mom on Wednesday.

That's one brother two sisters a nephew, my mother me and my husband. (missing two other sisters and another brother, missing liekk 19 nieces and nephews and of course, missing my dad)

And then last night Steve and Tim and I went out. Maggie did not join us. She does not enjoy herself at restaurants. But she does love to sing Happy Birthday, so we did that before we left.

I'm not one to fret about age. It is what is is and there's nothing one can do to stop the inevitable march of time. I figure just sit back and enjoy it. But then I saw the cover of people magazine this week featuring Christie Brinkley at 60.

 I think her inevitable march of time has been kinder than mine - but I have a couple of years before I hit  60 so I can still look like that, right?

 Ok, maybe not blond.

Bejeweled

It is difficult to think of appropriate gifts for Maggie. She gets a lot of clothes which is great but many styles won't work for Maggie or won't work with her wheelchair. Button down shirts are lovely, but Maggie simply unbottons them so they won't really work for her. She's also very small and it's often hard to find clothes that are not designed for little girls. She did get some more sophisticated clothing for her birthday as well as itunes cards for her favorite music.

This year I tried something new. I saw these bracelets and knew I wanted Maggie to have one. I had to ask the sales lady how to secure it. (Just pull the string) Maggie can wear it without breaking it. She can't get it off and that is just fine with her. She is thrilled to have some jewelry and shows it off proudly.

I think the message is perfect for her. It simply says "TOUGH" and we all know Maggie is as tough as they come.  In fact, I can think of a few other peers of Maggie  who should wear one too. I'm especially thinking of Sophie who has a birthday today. Happy Birthday Sophie!

You won't meet a tougher bunch of kids anywhere.

Hopefully I can get a discount if I buy in bulk.

Birthday Girl

Today is Maggie's birthday.

She is 19.

And that just blows me away.

Happy Birthday to my smart, funny, delightful and amazing daughter.

Grouchy Camper, Grouchy Counselor

Mom Camp is almost over. Summer school starts on Monday. That's a good thing because the camp counselor is getting quite grouchy, and the camper is becoming more difficult to please. When Maggie is out of school I lose the only time I have to myself. Maggie and I have fun together, but everything becomes more difficult and more time consuming. She's bored and I'm frazzled, which is always a very helpful combination.

Yesterday we did our gardening project and everything looks lovely. Maggie was really not that interested at all, though she did enjoy watering our newly planted flowers and herbs this morning. Here are two of the five containers we planted.

We then made a quick trip to the mall, Maggie's favorite place on earth. We were shopping for Grandpa who hit the big 8-0 yesterday. A helpful clerk took us all over the store looking for shorts with elastic in the waist that were not basketball shorts.   He seemed to forget that I was pushing a huge wheelchair as her darted through racks and narrow openings. Finally Maggie and I just stopped and stayed where he could see us so we didn't get stuck somewhere.

By the way, Maggie would like everyone to know that a trip to the men's department does not really count as a trip to the mall. She was quite peeved at me.

The nurse arrived but that doesn't really give me a break because she can't do anything on her own anymore. I had to fetch all the supplies downstairs, lift Maggie and help with all the procedures. I had to time things right so I could be gone for awhile as I wanted to go to dinner with Steve and his dad for his birthday.  Steve was already in the East Bay and was going straight to his dad's so I planned to take BART out there. Before I could do that, though, I to arrange for Tim to be around to help with the next set of procedures so I could go.

When the most relaxing part of your day is a commuter train ride out to the East Bay, it may be time for a break.

The three of us went to dinner and them came back to the house for cake and pie with Steve's cousin Jenny and her boyfriend Scott who live in the house with Grandpa Ed.  The rest of the family will celebrate this weekend at (yet another) graduation, and again in a few weeks at a family reunion; but we didn't want the actual birthday to slip by unnoticed. Ed enjoyed his day, which was the main goal.

Of course two of the three things I bought have to be returned, so Maggie gets another trip to the men's department. She's thrilled about that.

We are both ready for Summer school to start.

Eddie's Birthday!

My first born is 24 today. I'm not sure how that happened. I could wax poetic about all the things he did as a baby, which seems like five minutes ago. Because he IS 24, I will show some respect and keep those stories to myself.

He is celebrating(?) his birthday on the road. He is somewhere between Las Vegas and Colorado where he is headed for another work event. Not much fun, but that's the downside of getting older. Your birthday is just a regular day. Well, Eddie, I can tell you it is definitely not a regular day to me. (*wipes away motherly tear*). Happy Birthday!

Saturday we drove down to Monterey to see him at the Sea Otter Classic, where he was working over the weekend.  Maggie stayed here with the nurse while Steve and I did a quick nine hour jaunt to take him out to dinner. I brought a birthday cake which Maggie helped me bake.

When Maggie helps in the kitchen she is usually throwing pots out of the drawer or saying over and over again, "mom, I cook."  This time I gave her a task. I told her Eddie's birthday was Tuesday and she needed to say Happy Birthday to him on her dynavox. I wasn't sure if she could do that but when I realized she was starting, I turned on the video on my phone.  It took her a minute but she got it done. Watch.

She never ceases to amaze me. 

We put that on Eddie's facebook first thing, so Maggie could be the first one to wish him a Happy Birthday. I told her that it was three days early, but she didn't care. When Maggie wants something you just do it. Life is so much easier that way. Teenage girl runs the house - not earthshaking news at all. 

We frosted the cake and I tried to get a picture with the cake on Maggie's wheelchair tray, but that cake would have had a giant hand print in it and she would have had an allergic reaction, so we opted to keep in on the counter where both she and the cake were safe.

That cake traveled from here to Monterey, California,  from Monterey to Las Vegas, Nevada and is now en route to Colorado. I do believe it's my first interstate dessert.

Happy Birthday Eduardo!

Steve's thank you

Steve made a short and lovely speech at Maggie's party. Many people in attendance have mentioned it since then and others want to know what he said. Fortunately, my sister in law had the video camera going so I can share it. These words apply to everyone in Maggie's Village, whether or not you were at her birthday party.  

(I won't know for sure if this worked until after I publish it, so fingers crossed!)

The Village Party

Maggie's "It Takes a Village" party was a raucous celebration. it was a Thank you party to every one of her
'Village People" that helped her not just to get to 18, but to thrive.

There was family, close and extended, friends old and new, teachers and therapists current and former and so many others from Maggie's World. I tried to load this slideshow, but it needs to be in video form and when I put it in video format, it was blurry. Hence I will just provide you with a link to watch the actual slide show. It should give you an idea of the festivities.



Maggie's Party Pictures!!!!!


I can tell you this: No one had more fun than Maggie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


And I realize there is a typo in the word Stanford.  Perhaps that's because I didn't GO to Stanford (that was for  you, Fiona)

Birthday time in Maggie World

Happy 18th Birthday to the amazing 

Maggie McDonald!

Let the royal celebration commence!

Security, social and otherwise

You have not lived until you've spent 90+ minutes at the Social Security Office with Maggie. We went to do her intake as she is turning 18 (tomorrow!). When they gave me the appointment, I asked if it would be better to wait until after her birthday and was assured that one is eligible as an adult disabled person 90 days prior to her 18th birthday. Ok. Let's get this done.

The social security office is in a federal building, so there is a TSA like security system in place. Only less efficient. When you roll up with a wheelchair as loaded with equipment as Maggie's it takes a while. In fact it took us about 25 minutes to get through security. Again,  they were very nice and just doing their jobs, but OH. MY. GOD.

As is often the case, there is a very large man with a big booming voice doing the security. He could easily be a bouncer at a nightclub and toss people out on the street. He was kind, but he was going to be very thorough with Ms. Maggie. He'd seen her type before, she obviously looked suspicious to him. Every single piece of equipment had to be explained, examined and x-rayed. WHAT IS THIS? A suction machine. WHAT IS THIS? That's her computer that she uses to communicate? TAKE IT OUT OF THE BAG, I NEED TO SEE IT. Done. PUT IT BACK IN THE BAG. Done. WHAT IS THIS? That's the pole that we use to attach the computer to her wheelchair. WHAT IS THIS? That's her oxygen tank. WHAT IS IN THIS PINK BAG? Oh, that's a spare tracheostomy tube and supplies in case the tube in her neck falls out. (The guy looked a little queasy on that one). And WHAT IS N THIS PLASTIC BAG? Oh, that's an ambu bag in case she stops breathing. (He teetered a little bit there too). 

Everything went through xray, fine, but the guy knocked over the oxygen tank and it started to whistle. They all jumped at that noise. WHY IS THAT MAKING THAT NOISE? CAN YOU STOP THAT NOISE? I explained that the tank has to be upright and stood it up. The guy barked at me to lay it down for the xray. Ok, but it's going to whistle. When it came through the xray it was "smoking" and that freaked them out. I told them it was just leaking oxygen (which is why it needs to be upright.) 

While all this is going on scary looking guys were whisking right through security without a second look. We were just getting started. They wanded Maggie all over the place. He asked if she could put her arms out to her sides and I told him no, but she could possibly do one at a time. Up until the wanding, Maggie was amused. But when he started waving that thing in front of her she started giving him the stink eye look and I was trying not to laugh. He had no idea that she was DONE with him. 

After all that I thought we were too late for the appointment, but we made it into the building with exactly 3 seconds to spare and waited less than a minute to be called. That brief moment of efficiency was not to last, however. Even though the information I received is correct and one can apply for SS 90 days before they turn 18, the computers aren't programmed for someone to enter the system before 18. I figured that out in about 5 minutes. The person doing the intake did not want to give up, though, so we sat there for 90 minutes while he very kindly tried to make it work.I kept telling the guy we could come back and he said, you are here now, let's make it work. 

The guy was working, and checking with his supervisor, The woman at the next desk was helping him. Meanwhile Maggie was charming everyone in the place. She was laughing and reaching for me and cracking up whenever I talked to her, which was about every 30 seconds. Then she was growing weary of the waiting, though I was the only one that really realized that because her demeanor did not change. It was her words.  Maggie was using her talker. "Mom. Go to car Mom. Drive to school." Ok Mag, in a few minutes. "Mom, Saturday is my birthday mom" Yes, dear I know, that's why we're here. Mom I want to go now"

So do I, Maggie. So do I.

Finally we set up a telephone interview for Monday so the computers will recognize that she is 18. Even though I filled out a form for two hours at home, spent nearly two hours getting to and sitting through the meeting yesterday and now I have to do another 90 minutes on Monday, I jumped at the opportunity for the phone call.

Anything to avoid going through security with Maggie again. She is not to be trusted.

.

Birthday Prep, Government Style

Birthdays are hard for many parents of disabled children. Birthdays are a reminder of another year past, more milestones unmet, and for those whose disabilities started at birth, are a reminder of a very sad day in our lives. This has become easier with every passing year because it's just part of the whole deal, but it's still there. This year may be particularly rough. This year Maggie becomes an adult. That means all sorts of changes that Maggie may be ready for, but I am certainly not. For example, Maggie has her appointment with Social Security tomorrow.  Because she will be 18 on Saturday it's time to get her into the system.

 I spent over two hours completing her Adult Disability Report. Yikes! It's an online report that certainly does not consider a person as involved as Maggie. I had to list ever medication, which is easy enough, every doctor, which is fine but I did not include the doctors at the various hospitals because I have no idea of their names. The form also asks for every medical TEST that she has had. I'm pretty sure the internet would explode (as would my head), if I actually had to list all of them. I don't think I could even tell you all the tests she had done last year, let alone in her life. It simply cannot be done. For every test I thought of I just said this was done multiple times, which is true. Hopefully I didn't forget anything pertinent. They have more than enough information and everything else will be in her voluminous medical records which they will request.

I do feel sorry for whoever gets her file.

Tomorrow morning I take her to the Social Security Office to do the actual application. I think I could have done it online, but a lot of it is unclear when you are dealing with a person who cannot speak or sign for herself.  Once they see her, it will be a lot easier, I am sure. It's not as though there is a question that she is disabled and I suspect the intake person will have a way to expedite the forms which are basically designed to confirm disability status.

It will be good to have this done.  Anticipation is often worse than reality and I'm banking on that here.

As for the rest of the birthday melancholy - it will be buried in the festivities! Maggie is ready to party down and I am happy to join her.

Countdown begins

Maggie is turning 18 on March 3, which is almost unfathomable to me. Maggie entered this world with the deck stacked against her in so many ways; but she surprises all of us time and time again.  We decided this birthday presents the perfect opportunity to thank all the people in Maggie's World who have helped her and us get to this point.

Many people who have helped Maggie over the years will be joining us for a party on her birthday. I hesitate to write this because I could not invite everyone and had to pick and choose representatives from various parts of her life. Some parts are woefully under represented. Other parts are not. If I included everyone, I would have had to rent AT&T Park, which was a bit out of the budget. As it is, Maggie may be a bit overwhelmed that day, but I know she will enjoy herself despite the amount of people that will be there.

We are amazed at the response to this party and all of us are looking forward to it. Folks coming are not to bring gifts, but we encourage those who want to do something to make a donation to one of the organizations that have helped Maggie over the years. Those are already happening and that makes us so very happy. Thank you all who have done that.

A friend gave me the excellent idea of putting scrap book pages on the tables to give folks an opportunity to tell Maggie what they want to say. If any of you in Maggie's World want to add your comments, feel free to do so in the comments or by emailing me something and I will make sure they get into Maggie's book. If you don't want your comments published, just tell me and I will make sure it doesn't go public.

In the meantime, I have to get scrapbook pages, get pictures into frames, come up with some sort of table decorations and create a new Maggie Mix for the party. My friend Rose is doming over today to help me alter Maggie' party dress which was a gift from Maggie's friend Anne Marie. Here's a sneak peak.

Ten days to go. So much to do.

Where did I leave my heart?

Happy Valentines Day to all.

Maggie went off to school with chocolate hearts for all her friends and teachers. In years past we've done more elaborate valentines, but she is going for the understated and classy approach this year. That and this day sort of sneaked up on us giving us no times to prepare. Oh well. The thought is pure.

We are looking past Valentine's Day and President's Day to Maggie's upcoming 18th Birthday. We are planning a big party and all energy is focused there. Maggie thinks the priorities are just right.

If you mention her birthday she starts waiving her hand in the air. She is actually looking forward to it, which I believe is a first. Maybe she's just looking forward to being 18, so she doesn't have to live by my rules anymore.

For those of you in San Francisco, pay attention to the Tuesday noon whistle/alert today. Instead of the normal air raid sound with the unintelligible instructions you will hear "I Left My Heart in San Francisco" because today is Tony Bennett day and the 50th anniversary of that song being released.

Edit update: 12 noon has come and gone, and no Tony Bennett over the emergency system. Too bad. I plan to sing it from my beck deck for all my neighbors. It's the least I can do for all of them.

Happy Birthday Tim!

Today is Tim's 21st birthday. That is just a little bit mind boggling to me because it seems like yesterday he arrived in our lives. It is fascinating to me that my offspring can be adults while I have not aged. The wonders of Science!

Tim was born on Fathers Day. He was a few days late and I was more than ready to be done with the pregnancy. That morning I gave Steve two Father's Day presents, one from each child, because I assumed we would already have the baby by Fathers Day. As I handed the gifts over to him I said, "if this baby isn't here by midnight, you have to give one of those back". Charming, wasn't I. Tim did not let his father down, he arrived in time for the 10PM news.

When Tim was born something clicked in me. "I thought, OK, this is a FAMILY." I don't know why. Eddie was already two years old and we had been caring for him and doing all family things since he was born. But the arrival of child #2 was the end of the novelty of being a parent and the beginning of honest to God real life parenting. On the way home from the hospital I was completely overwhelmed with this thought. As we drove, we passed my old high school and other landmarks from my childhood. I was thinking - I had a whole life before I even knew Steve and now we have TWO KIDS!. Steve, not knowing what was going on in my head asked why I was so quiet. I looked at him wide eyed and said/shrieked:

"We have two children and I hardly know you."

(There is a slight possibility the hormones were at play there.) That phrase has become a staple in this house. If I ask Steve something mundane, e.g.if he wants mustard on his sandwich, he will sigh and say, "You hardly know me." It still makes both of us laugh.

Tim was a wild man as a baby. His favorite thing to do was to bang his head on the hardwood floor and then give a huge grin when I would rush over to stop him. He was big and brawny from the get go and he and Eddie were a hilarious pair. They still are.

When Maggie arrived, she and Tim formed an instant and lasting bond. He loved to hold her when she was little. I've put this picture up a few times, but it is my favorite.

\
If he's here and watching the game or something, he will pull her out of her chair to sit with him. He talks about the strategy of baseball. Maggie is a great listener. If something goes wrong in the game, he tells her, That guy is a BUM and Maggie signs yes.

Maggie adores Tim. She adores Eddie too, but Tim is here and I get to see it more often. When he walk into the room she starts jumping around in her chair, even if he's just been upstairs for 20 minutes. He gives her advice about school and boys. She listens intently and then laughs in his face, as any little sister would. He gets s stern face and points at her and then she laughs so hard she almost stops breathing. By then he's laughing too.

Tim is the middle of the 3 kids and in many ways the anchor for the other two.  He is fiercely loyal to friends and family and absolutely hilarious to be around. He was here last night and left at 11:00 to ring in his birthday at midnight. It was off to a rousing start, but having to be at work at 7AM may have slowed things down a bit. Maybe I have aged a bit, because that is FINE with me.

Here he is in his white sport coat, circa 1962 and painting shorts as he heads out for what I'm sure was his very first beer* on his 21st birthday.

*oh, except for the one in his hand.

Maggie's Birthday!!!

Happy 17th Birthday to the one and only 

Maggie McDonald!!

Happy Birthday Dad!

Maggie made Steve a birthday card for his birthday today. She made it at school on Friday. The teacher told her to "write" what she wanted to say to her dad. She simply used her talker and everything that went into the speaking panel  was  transferred to the computer. I didn't even know that was possible, but I freely admit I know only about 25% of that machine's capabilities. (that includes things I KNOW about but cannot make work)
Maggie "wrote" for several minutes. When she was done the teacher printed the message and put in inside the card. I laughed my head off when I saw this

.Remember it's phonetic. I starts out "why I ought a..." You can see how she starts losing interest in dad toward the bottom and talks about her friends Juan, and Cui Peng,  her nurse and her teacher.

Steve loves it, of course. 

Twenty Years

Today is my son Tim’s 20th birthday. It is hard to believe he is 20, standing on the threshold of his life. It is an age where everything is possible.

Twenty years ago, June 17th was on Father’s Day. I was 41 weeks pregnant and I had a two year old. I bought two father’s day presents for my husband, one from Eddie, the two year old, and one from the new baby that I expected to be about 10 days old at that point. On the morning of Fathers Day I gave both presents to my husband and said if this baby doesn’t come today, you have to give one back. Tim did not let either of us down, but arrived in time for the 10:00 news that night. He was a hilarious kid right from the get go. He used to entertain himself by banging his head against the hardwood floor and then grinning at us when we stopped him.

After Maggie arrived, it seemed there was always a health crisis for her on Tim’s birthday. She had to be rushed to the hospital and into surgery on his 4th birthday, (she was just 3 months old). Tim was oblivious. I told him in an upbeat voice that he and Eddie were invited to his cousin’s house because Auntie Ellen was having a birthday party for him. He was happy as a clam. I was not. I sat in the surgical waiting room feeling miserable. I can still remember that day as if it was yesterday. It was the day OJ Simpson made his “slow speed” getaway in the Ford Bronco. I sat there watching this bizarre story unfolding on television and worried about one child while I felt I was disappointing another.

When Maggie was not sick, we had some excellent birthday parties for Tim over the years. We were never the type to throw lavish parties and one up the other parents. No. With my boys and my husband, the parties were creative and entertaining. One year Tim had a track meet for several friends at Kezar stadium, another year Steve turned the back yard into an obstacle course and a dozen or so boys were put through their paces. (That might have been for Eddie, I can’t remember). The kids always had a huge amount of fun and went home tired and happy.

Many birthdays were spent together with his cousin Matt. That's the two of them in the picture a couple of years ago. They are just two days apart in age. Matt grew up in San Diego, and the June birthdays fell, just after school was out so several times we were in San Diego or they were up here. Ironically, now Matt lives and attends school in San Francisco and Tim is away at school. I invited Matt to dinner on his birthday but he had plans to watch the NBA playoffs with his buddies. We decided to make it tonight so I could fix a birthday dinner for someone even tough Tim is not home. Of course tonight is game 7 and Matt is a Lakers fan (which means he still has something to learn about being a San Franciscan.) I left him a message that we can reschedule if he wants – we shall see.

Now that he is 20 and living elsewhere, I am not as involved in his birthday. Of course, I will call him, and I sent gifts etc, but if there is a party, and I am willing to bet there is, I am not invited. That’s ok. He is a grown up now.

I just don’t know how that can be when I haven’t aged at all.