Attitudes Included

Thanks for all the feedback yesterday. I received calls and texts and emails. I guess I really made folks sad with my Valentines tale of woe.  So today I want to share something more positive.

I had lunch with a friend yesterday who is also a parent of a child with special needs.  We talked about full inclusion at the schools and how beneficial it is not only to the child who is in special ed, but to the rest of the class. Everyone learns that there are all types of people in the world.  As these children enter the work force (which is happening now), they are better equipped to deal with disabled people because it is normal for them. It used to be the disabled were out of sight, but now they are part of the community, part of the classroom. That will go a long way toward erasing some of the disability bias that exists in the world.  It's slow, mind you. It takes a generation or more, but we are on our way.

Maggie was not in a full inclusion classroom, she was always in a special day class.  Her learning style was too complicated for full inclusion  (That was my choice, not something forced on Maggie or me.) I know other kids with comparable disabilities who do fine included in a regular classroom, but we felt Maggie would maximize her potential in a a special day class -- and she did. Maggie used her inclusion time for social purposes. The girl was the most social person ever and she was included with other kids for non academic activities such as field trips to the pumpkin patch in the first picture or wherever she was going all dolled up in the second picture. Every kid knew Maggie in every school she attended, so I guess she did something right.

I specifically chose pictures from Maggie's early school years because I remember two incidents from her elementary school days that demonstrated her place in the school and the other kids absolute acceptance of Maggie. A mom heard the kids greeting Maggie and said, "is this Maggie?"  When I confirmed it she told me her daughter kept talking about her friend Maggie and asked if she could invite Maggie over. The child never even mentioned that Maggie was in a wheelchair. The mom was delighted and so was I.  

The second incident took place one day when we arrived at school late, probably because of a doctor appointment or something. It was recess time and all the kids were out on the schoolyard. They could see us unloading the van through the chain link fence.  Our van had recently been adapted for Maggie.  I  lowered the lift and moved in to unlock the chair. The dog jumped out and started sniffing around as I positioned the chair onto the lift. Kids had gathered around the fence watching us intently and I heard them gasping and oohing and ahhing. They were just little kids, maybe second or third grade; but I distinctly remember thinking "Really? Even here at school?"  That was just for a second, though, because immediately one of them said, "Maggie is so LUCKY! She has a DOG!"

The dog set her apart.
Not the chair.
Not the talker.
The dog.

Those kids are in their 20's now. They are probably finishing school or out working in the world. They are or will be making the rules soon. That's a good thing.

I hope they all got dogs.

Lucky Lady

Today we leave post about bad manners, international incidents, broken wheelchairs, and strange comments from strangers behind. Those will undoubtedly be back, But today there is something bigger.

The Giants are in the World Series and today is Game 1!! 

The world stands still for the next week or so. Everything revolves around game time. All focus in this house is on baseball. Especially for Maggie, who left for school this morning decked out and ready.

(For the uninitiated, the Panda hat is for Pablo Sandoval, the Giants 3rd baseman, known as The Panda)

Maggie  loves that we are all excited and focused and cheers right along with us during the games. It is the only time she doesn't complain about the TV being on. She doesn't really watch it, per se, but she watches us watch it, and that's good enough for her. She waits for the high fives or for the occasional expletive. Those really make her laugh. 

Baseball is famous for the superstitions that players and fans practice. Some players won't shave or wash their socks or whatever if they think it's lucky. Fans will sit in the same seat, eat the same food and hang with the same friends for the same reason. Maggie is now part of it. During the 2010 playoffs and series, I started posting this picture of Maggie on facebook. 

My cousin Dennis was the first to note the Giants successful days correlated with the days the picture was posted. He insisted I post it every day, so I did and the Giants won the World Series in 2010. I did it off and on during the playoffs this year when the Giants had their backs against the wall in the Divisional series stopped when the championship series started. Then the Giants went down 3 games to 1 in the Pennant. and  couple of different friends/fans asked me to post Maggie's picture with the orange hair. So I did for the next three games and the Giants won three straight and now head to the World Series. 

I assure you the picture will be posted on my facebook page about an hour or so before game time for every single world series game. Hopefully that won't be too often. 

My prediction, giants in 5 games. 

One Man's Ceiling...

It is rare that I stop and say a quick prayer of Thanksgiving for Maggie’s circumstances. Do not get me wrong, there have been numerous close calls and I am always very thankful they work out for the best. IN addition, I do realize that caring for Maggie has made me a better person and I am thankful for that as well. However, Maggie’s circumstances have never been something for which I was thankful. That changed a little this week.

I met a woman about my age that has a severely disabled sister. The sister is 49 years old and is cared for at home by her aging but capable mother without any help. The mom does not want any help and has devoted her life to caring for her disabled daughter. The woman I met said that her sister cannot do anything like Maggie can. She does not have any communication (except her mother always understands what she wants/needs), does not have any activities, etc.

I realized then that Maggie would be in exactly the same boat if she were born a generation earlier. IN fact, there is almost now questions that Maggie would not have survived if she were born even a few years earlier. It is not the cerebral palsy, but the several other complicated medical issues with which she was born. I told the woman, Maggie could not do anything either, but they started working with her when she was just a few months old. I did not understand the purpose of many of the things they did in those early days, but I went along because Maggie seemed to enjoy it. I understand now that all those toys and activities were building blocks for Maggie to use to develop skills for communication, positioning, etc.

I am thankful that Maggie was born in 1994 and not 1960. I am thankful she was born in a big city so close to the cutting edge medical care she needed (and still needs), and that she received therapy from dedicated talented professionals who worked together and separately to give Maggie a better life. Moreover, while the passage of time generally means advancement in technology, I find myself thankful that t she was not born now when many of these programs are disappearing under the budget axe.

I am thankful that the great school program that she is part of exists in San Francisco and her great teachers, from Pre-K to High school believed in her and helped her learn. I am thankful there is a place for her in the world and that people get to spend time with and enjoy her sense of humor. I am especially thankful for the nursing help I have because I could not do for one week what that mother has done for 49 years.

I still wish Maggie were a typical teenager giving me fits for her behavior in typical ways, not for the way she behaves when her diaper is being changed. I wish I did not have the insight I do to realize how lucky she is. But I do and she is. And that makes me thankful.