Living Gracefully

My husband heard this on NPR this morning and sent it to me. I have to share it here, because this man uses 7 paragraphs to convey the message I have been trying to get across in the 7 years I have been writing this blog.   

Meet people where they are, not where you think they should be. That is living gracefully

here's the link too http://www.kqed.org/a/perspectives/R201506300643 

Download audio (MP3) 

Grace
Fathers are supposed to be role models to their children. But Dick Heinzelman's son has shown him how to live gracefully.

By Dick Heinzelman

My son Jake was born with significant learning disabilities. A sports enthusiast Jake gamely tried T-ball, pitching machine baseball and grade school basketball with decreasing success. But everyone loved having him on the team because no one showed the joy that Jake showed when he managed to make a play.

Jake spent most of his high school years at a small private school for children with serious learning issues. Approaching his senior year he rebelled and insisted on attending the local high school so he could play sports. He wanted to play football but his cerebral shunt and small size said no way. The coach made Jake an equipment manager and, as something of a team mascot, Jake, running at full speed, led the team onto the field at the start of each game.

Jake also joined the lacrosse team. He loved to run into opposing players, a move that became known as "jakelizing" the opponent. Catching the ball in the stick remained a challenge, however. But again Jake's enthusiasm and desire proved contagious.

I tell you this not to suggest that I, as Jake's father, deserve any credit for Jake's success. I've made too many mistakes when my own frustrations led me to say or do things that I am sure were hurtful to him.

It's not about what I could teach Jake, but about what Jake has taught me. You see, I was one of those achievers growing up, a reasonably talented jock, good grades, class president, good colleges. Without Jake, that is what I would have thought life was about, and that is what I would have expected of my son. Jake saved me from all that.

Jake taught me about grace, the grace that allows me to meet another human being where they are, not where I want them to be. The grace that offers encouragement rather than judgment. The grace that nurtures rather than drives.

We can't have too much grace in this world. I still struggle to live up to the word.  It can be discouraging. But when I do get it right, it's worth all the struggle or, as Jake would say, "it's a home run!"

With a Perspective, I'm Dick Heinzelman.

Dick Heinzelman is a retired hi-tech sales and marketing executive. He lives in Napa.

Changed For Good

Many of you that attended Maggie's services asked about the song Grace sang at the vigil. The song was called "For Good" and it's from the Broadway musical "Wicked". (Several people thought it was the song from Frozen that just won an academy award. It wasn't, but Idina Menzel sang both songs.)

The first time I heard this song I was sitting in the audience watching the play. Immediately I thought this song is about Maggie and me. I downloaded it and listened to it a million times and it almost always made me cry. It was a given, then, that it had to be part of Maggie's memorial services. I was just going to play a recording of it, but I decided to put Grace (Eddies' girlfriend) completely on the spot and ask her to sing it. I had never even heard her sing, but I knew she was good from what Eddie had shared. Though she had never even heard the song before, and the song is actually designed to be a duet,she agreed to do it. This was Sunday and she was going to perform the song in front of hundreds of people on the following Thursday, four days later.

She did a beautiful job. Beautiful. Suffice it to say, there was not a dry eye in the house when she sang the song. It could not be more appropriate for summing up Maggie and her relationship with me and as Grace points out, pretty much anyone else who ever met her.  I am including the video of Grace singing the song,

Who can say if I've been changed for the better? Because I knew you I have been changed for good.